All around me I see the dead, men and women killed by a wave of radioactive fallout that destroyed all life in its path. There are millions of bodies. The survivors have died. They have died of radiation poisoning and hunger.
They have clustered together in a town near the ruins of the nuclear plant in the old emergency city. I cannot say for sure how long it has been but the survivors are weak and sick.
There are so many bodies but I am alive although people are avoiding my gaze. I must be living in the town which has been restricted to women only. The women know that if a man is found he will be killed. I am very weary. I have survived on scavenged food and fresh water from the river.
The river is still filled with leaking nuclear waste. I can see that my clothes are damaged and I wear a heavy doctor's coat which has not seemingly harmed me.
The town is filled with women, barely an adult male to be seen anywhere. It is unclear if the women of the town knew the reason for the disaster, the nuclear war. I think some must have known, but the women look pale, weak and anxious. My clothes are torn and ragged, but I am dressed and have some strength remaining.
I am weary and hungry, but I have not eaten for so long that food would not satisfy me. I have been in the town for so long I am sure that I must be hallucinating. Had I died after a while? Had I not returned to the bodies of my people? Where are my people?
For a long moment I lie on the rocky ground exhausted, contemplating my next move. It is my will to survive that keeps me going. I see a house nearby and I hope that the women have stored water in it, or at least food. I walk towards it and I am suddenly confronted with a tall man. He has a covered face, his clothing is of a style I have never seen before.
For a moment I think I am looking at a man from another town, who survived the disaster like myself. The man is tall and powerful, he towers over me. He has a spear in his hand and he has a covered face. The women have all covered their faces in the
same way.
I decide it will be better if I bend over and pretend to be someone else. I say I am the voiceless one, please. I just want something to eat, I am dizzy.
At first the man is indifferent, but he suddenly takes me by the arm and leads me to a woman. I stand before her and I identify myself. I say "I am the Doctor, I am the man who saved you." She has a large round face with black eyes and a trimmed beard typical of the women of this area.
She wears black clothes and walks with two sticks. She is calm and kindly, for a moment I think of what could have been. Perhaps this woman is my mother, but there is no doubt that she is a woman.
I say I want to find my people, I am not a man and I do not belong here. I am a scientist and I was sent here to find objects of scientific interest.
She stands back from me and she looks me over and she takes off my coat. She says are you a man? I do not believe you but you are dressed like a man. I say I am not a man. I am my own person. She says if you are a man tell me. I say I am a man but I am not a man. You know that I am not a man.
She says I have seen a man before, he answers to you. I say I am not that man. He must have got out somehow. Please may I eat, I have not eaten for a long time.
I do not want to harm you." She says "you are a man, but you are not a man. You are different from other men. All men are the same, you have something inside you that the men around you lack. Tell me again.
If I continue to deny I am a man then she will not give me food, so I attempt to take a different approach. I say I saved your life, a long time ago in another town.
I did not think I could return to save you, but I have returned. I don't think it's a good idea to deny that."She says is this the truth? I say I have told you. I am the man who saved your life one hundred years ago.
She says I can see that you are strong. You do not satisfy many of the conditions of manhood. You are less attentive to the needs of your body than I might expect from a man. But I can see you are a man.
She stands back from me and she thinks. She says we have not had many men in our town. Men are arrogant and stubborn and they provoke the wrath of the gods.
The gods came like a flood on the earth. They brought the nuclear war and the deaths of millions. She says you are a man but something is different about you. I know that I cannot harm you. She is searching in her pocket and she holds out a ring of keys.
She says I know you. I know you are the man who came to our town all those years ago. I know what it means to have a doctor and I know you saved us. I cannot refuse your request. I cannot harm the man who saved us all. We must talk together because I have questions. I have a doctor. He is in the house.
The man with the spear looks at us and he is surprised. I know it will be dangerous to hold a conversation with the man, but I do not want to walk away empty handed.
We go into the house. The house has a wall of books, the books are old. The man's face is covered. He looks at me and he says I do not know you. You are a man. I say I am a man, but I am a special man. I have chosen to be a man.
I have a right to be here. The woman says I have given him permission, I have eaten people, but I have looked after this man all my life. I know he is a man. I am certain, I do not know how, but I am certain.
I am laughing inside myself. I say I am a man with a difference. I possess a secret that cannot hurt you. I have the power to help you, but only if I receive food. My presence is not harmful to you.
The woman says he has saved us, he has saved us all.
