Enough With Your Tall Gerbils and Booming Dog
Dear Ms Wilson,
I have always felt elated living near to you. You are the most trendy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your inconsiderate dog.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your gerbils is too tall and your dog way too booming. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a speaker
I have to insist that you take action to stop your inconsiderate dog from upsetting me. I demand that you clean up then sell the dog.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud singing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a happy neighbourhood like Wysteria Lane.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your inconsiderate dog on Facebook.
Furthermore, I have close ties with gangsters and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
memeon