Kamala Harris has officially announced she will NOT run for governor of California in 2026… which is surprising, considering how flawlessly her last campaigns went.
Let’s rewind.
Her 2020 presidential bid died in Iowa before a single vote was cast — a political self-own so spectacular it practically qualified for a Darwin Award. But not one to be discouraged by public disinterest, she stormed into 2024 with a bloated budget, empty slogans, and even emptier polling numbers.
The crown jewel? Her campaign quietly dropped $1 million on a livestream produced by Oprah Winfrey’s company. Not Oprah personally (allegedly) — just her company. For a livestream. Yes, the same campaign that couldn’t stream a coherent sentence without glitching into awkward laughter was suddenly producing primetime content like it was pitching a new HBO series.
Donors were baffled. Voters were missing. And the only thing “transparent” about the whole operation was the inevitable crash landing.
Fast-forward to now: Instead of losing in high-definition again, Kamala’s taking the graceful route — stepping aside from California’s gubernatorial cage match and hinting at a 2028 run. Because apparently, losing nationally just hits different than getting buried at home.
Meanwhile, in the background, Nancy Pelosi — queen of insider cashflow and Botox diplomacy — is casually endorsing her Pacific Heights neighbor like it’s the damn PTA.
Enter: Eleni Kounalakis — billionaire’s daughter, real estate royalty, and proud owner of a $5 million campaign war chest stuffed with daddy’s developer dollars. Because nothing says “grassroots democracy” quite like being handpicked by California’s political aristocracy for your turn at the throne.
So to sum it up:
• Kamala’s tapping out.
• Nancy’s playing chess with donor queens.
• And California voters? Just extras in another elite-funded rerun where the script never changes.
