Being miserable sucks and feeling unwanted is even worse. I’ve been feeling both lately and that’s part of the reason why I haven’t been around for a while. I think I made a pretty big mistake and I can’t undo it. Last week I moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years. As some of you might know we’ve had our troubles and I thought that everything was going to be okay. But, as always, I was wrong.
We are both on the lease at this new place meaning that I can’t move out, unless I want to break the lease – which I don’t. Although, it’s only been a week and every single day seems harder than the last.
I’ve found out that my ‘boyfriend’ is one of the laziest, most selfish, manipulative people I’ve ever met. He gets angry at me for the tinniest things and twists words to make me seem like I’m a horrible, undeserving girlfriend. I’ve brought up how I’m feeling about everything and all he does is get angry and shout at me. I know I can’t continue going on the road we’re currently on but I don’t know how to make it stop. I’ve even asked him to move into another room but he refuses as he wants the master. I feel like since I do all the cleaning, washing, taking care of his animals and the fact that I looked at over 30 houses in search of the right one, that maybe I deserve to have the master. But apparently I’m very selfish and don’t.
I’m not sure if I mentioned this before but previously we’d been accepted on another house that I actually really liked. He didn’t. He hadn’t even seen the place but insisted that I continue looking every day I had off work and on weekends (with no help from him) because the house didn’t have everything HE wanted. His list of demands was endless and all I wanted in a house was a room with an ensuite but even then I was more than willing to compromise on that. It took me another month and a half to find the house we’re in now.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m being stupid or selfish but I’m just feeling like he only wanted to move in with me so he had someone to get mad at every single day. My friends see it and at our final party at the old house my friends had finally had enough of his bullshit and said something. It ruined the party as they were arguing and went home early but it made me feel like I wasn’t this ‘crazy’ girlfriend he says I am. In my head I just don’t think it’s a healthy relationship and I don’t want to be in it anymore.
I should never have gotten back together with him; this is definitely something I regret.
BUT if we break up it still means we’re going to have to live together and I’m not sure how I’m going to cope seeing him bring other girls home. We’ve got such a screwed up relationship and I don’t even know where my head’s at right now. I can’t move out and he refuses to move rooms. Maybe I should move into another room and just give him what he wants? I always seem to back down as it’s the easiest route to take and he knows that I do this.
I’m not trying to make it seem like he’s a terrible person because he’s not. We’re just going around in circles in our relationship and I’ve honestly reached a point where I’m thinking, enough is enough and when am I going to be strong enough to make it stop?
We currently have no Wi-Fi and my data has run out so I have no idea when I’m going to post this. Hopefully some of you will still read my posts as I know it’s been a while!
Now it’s time for me to figure out what to do. Wish me luck.
Until next time,
Meliss
