I have these moments throughout my day where I feel like I’m just floating. As if I’m watching myself from outside my body. It’s weird I know, but maybe some of you can relate.
I’ll be sitting at work bored out of my mind and suddenly feel the world stop, and it’s just me. It’s awfully quiet and I start day dreaming. I day dream about everything and anything. I often imagine myself in situations that I’ll never be in, whether it’s meeting my current ‘Celebrity Crush’ or being back in England, I love to day dream. I guess when I can’t write, I day dream. Day dreaming does the same thing that writing does, it lets me escape from my world.
Recently I’ve not been feeling 100%. I’m not physically sick, I just feel mentally drained. I was lying in bed on Sunday morning and talking to myself (I’m going crazy I swear) but I wasn’t saying anything positive. I was telling myself all the negative things in my life and couldn’t find any positives. I feel as if I’m not moving forward, I’m stuck. Being a receptionist there’s pretty much no career progression, where can I go from here? I’m so young and yet I’m not doing anything with my life. I see other people my age who’re crazy successful and it just makes me feel like shit. On top of this I’m broke as broke can be. I think I’ve got $5 left until I get paid, which isn’t until next Wednesday. My ex and I are constantly clashing and having arguments. A lot of the time he says things like ‘Shhhh’ or ‘go to your room’ which really gets on my nerves, he can be controlling without even realising it.
I’ve stopped bothering with tinder because all the guys were gross and desperate, finding a good guy is like finding a needle in a haystack. I’m not in a rush to get into another relationship but I would like some DECENT company. The last thing on my mind is not feeling like I’m at home here. I feel as if I’m on an extended holiday. I’ve said it before because I know that the ‘grass is greener on the other side,’ but I’m waiting until November when I go back to England for 3 weeks to decide whether or not I want to move back there. It’s a big decision so I’m not making it lightly. Obviously leaving Australia will mean leaving my family behind, but my extended family is all in the UK. I’ve been craving happiness for so long and feel like I’m on a never-ending journey to find it.
Life is hard. We don’t get taught in school how to do taxes or how to handle money properly, why did they never teach us the things that really mattered? Now I’m not blaming the schooling system for my adult problems, but I’m just saying that maybe schools should prepare us better. We get taught sex ed but I don’t remember ‘how to budget 101.’
I don’t know, I’m just feeling down. Maybe it’s time to head to the library and rent out a good book.
There’s some good news though. I’ve lost 2kg in 2 weeks thanks to diet and exercise. It’s not a whole lot but it’s something. I hate hate HATE my body and appearance so I’m hoping I can at least change that this year.
Who knows what the second half of 2018 will bring…
Until next time,
Meliss
Image Cred: https://blog.cognifit.com/daydreaming/
