Tumshie

Indian Summers are fabulous aren't they?

Enthused Florence Gump, a Mummy sort that was standing beside me as I watched my kids play on a rope swing in the local park.
^{^{If life was a big of chocolates she was the horrible cheap coffee one that everyone hates}}
Urr.

I replied, pulling my collar up against the howling wind that had flecks of spitty rain in it like an old asthmatic man shouting. The tail end of summer was not striking me as particularly Indian or Summer'y.

Jesu loves outdoors. Absolutely loves it, no matter the weather!

Florence Gump looked adoringly at Jesu who managed to fall over whilst standing still.

Jesu was obviously quite the wee prick.

I studied him with a calloused eye. I had never seen a child wear so much brown, orange and beige. He looked like the furious love child of an anaemic shit and a tiger.

My kids hate coming out in the rain.

I said forlornly as the wind took another swipe at me like an invisible Muhamad Ali. Even though the rain was light my children had given up swinging and were now sheltering under a big leafy branch as if beset by a biblical storm.

Really? Aw, that's such a shame. Oh hey, look how well they are getting on with Jesu!

Florence Gump pointed over at Jesu who had also now abandoned the swing and was trying to get in on the shelter under the tree but was being seriously rebuffed by the Little Lady who was, even at this distance, clearly screaming that there was no room.

The fact that there was loads of room made me feel heart swelliingly proud of her.

Do you live nearby?

Florence Gump asked, flicking her matted hand me down hair to the side.

Hmm. I thought of lying in case she followed me home like a scraggly cat wanting biscuits and ear scratching. Then I remembered I had a nobbly stick by the door for such occasions.

Yeah. Round the corner.

I waved a sultry arm in the direction of my house. Near enough to satisfy my odd urge for honesty but not specific enough for me to get the cat-stick out for her.

Ow!!! Mummy, she shoved me!

Yelled Jesu backing away from my kids who seemed to have a zero tolerance for wankers policy on their under the tree rain shelter.

Jesu pointed accusingly at the Little Boom as he scrabbled near the safety of his Mum.

Florence Gump made an eating Tom Yum soup face and turned to me.

Oh, that's unfortunate. I think your daughter wasn't very kind with little Jesu. Should you have a word with her?

I looked at Florence and marvelled at her thumbs and how much they resembled grubby big toes before shaking my head in the negative.

I think his penis makes him more my son than my daughter.

I nodded happily. That's how it is in my world and I'm quite happy with that.

What? What??

The Gumper's head backed up a step whilst her body stayed still.

His penis, you know, Jesu probably has something similar? Maybe?

I smiled majestically at her like a stag that is standing on a rock as the sun goes down.