Sup, dawg?
I said to my brother as he opened the door of my Mum's house.
My brother stood in the open doorway. He looked nervous.
He flicked a gaze over his shoulder behind him and then back to me. He then opened his eyes really wide and blinked twice, jerking his head at the inside of the house as if in warning.
I didn't need telling twice. It was blatantly obvious that terrorists had taken over the joint and were even now inside plotting something nefarious.
All my training so long ago in the cold lonely temple of Keko Momo kicked in. Shoving past him I did a forward roll on the hall floor and flipped into a low crouch.
My eyes flicked about everywhere as if I were in a brothel full of busty lady spiders.
My brother closed the door behind me.
I nodded.
This was how it should be. Brothers. Fighting side by side. Dying if need be.
Like heroes.
I heard mumbled voices from within the lounge. I raised my hand in the universal symbol of I go first, kill them all and let no one live. It involved many fingers.
My brother nodded bleakly.
I shoved open the door and threw myself into the Lounge.
ZAPATOS EXTRAÑOS!
I yelled.
There was only one enemy, a black-clad ninja with an odd white collar on his ninja suit.
Oh, good afternoon. You must be Boomy? Please allow me to offer my condolences?
He said with a serpentine smile, thrusting his hand out in a kidney strike.
I took his hand and jerked it up and down in the classic block technique of Shaka Handa.
He nodded at my superiority and nimbly stepped back.
Who are you? What do you want here?
I barked.
I am Alan, the Minister of the church at the bottom of the road. I was so sorry to hear of your loss and I thought I would offer my help or assistance with the funeral?
He hissed at me, his hands opening out before him, palms up.
I recognised the beginnings of a scorpion strike and threw myself to the side, landing on the sofa.
Thank you, but we have it all in hand.
I grunted as I whipped my legs out in a deadly scissor kick at his groin.
If you need someone to speak at the funeral, I would be more than happy to say some words?
Alan the Deadly Minister Ninja deftly blocked my scissor strike, launching a furious hammer kick of his own at my reclining form.
That will not be necessary, thank you very much for your consideration though.
I rasped harshly as I blocked a series of liver strikes he delivered in a blur of fists.
I leapt to my feet. My iron hand snaking out to administer a terrible killing blow to Alan the Deadly Minister Ninja's neck.
He fell back, only just blocking the iron hand with one of his own.
If you need me, just give me a call then?
He pumped my hand up and down, attempting to reverse my Shaka Handa of earlier.
I pulled my hand free and jerked a head to the door.
My brother will see you out.
I gasped as I tumbled back from a reverse side shoulder strike Alan the Deadly Minister Ninja delivered before turning tail and fleeing.
My brother gave chase to the door but Alan the Deadly Minister Ninja escaped in a blur of black and white.
He's gone.
Announced my Brother solemnly as he came back in the room.
I shook my head and winced as I felt at my ribs. I looked up at my brother bleakly.
He will be back and when he returns. We will be ready.