Hey Daddy-Bear, have you seen my shoes?
The Good Lady wandered into the room looking like one of those poor children you see in Bulgaria that you throw grapes at.
I swaggered back in my armchair and gave her a dangerously sexy smile.
To her credit, or perhaps her ever-advancing years, she didn't fall immediately pregnant.
Daddy-Bear, shoes? You seen them?
She was now towering above me, one hand on her cocked hip as if she were wearing a tinfoil dress and standing at the end of a catwalk back in '86.
Shoes. Pfft.
I made my trademarked flubblybubbly noise through my incredible lips and winked up at her.
Right, what's going on? Where're my shoes?
The Good Lady pursed her lips tighter than a diving seal's nostrils. Not a euphemism, I might add. Although it would be quite a good one. Hell, maybe it is!
Loosely I raised my phone in one hand and waggled the screen at her. On it was Blockfolio, open at the Hive Price page. The numbers 788 wobbled incredulously on the screen.
See that, baby girl? That's Hive, you hear? Hive is going to the moon baby! It's finally happening, we don't need to worry about anything anymore.
I chuckled and wobbled my COVID belly. It rippled back and forth and I smirked at it. Don't you worry, big wobbly belly of mine. When Hive hits 10 dollars I will pay someone to download into my head and work it off in the space of two weeks. Hell. I might even tip them a few extra bucks to jerk me off. With my own hand. Sure, the very idea was odd but that's what being super-rich is all about.
Right, never mind your Hive bollocks. Where're my shoes?
She seemed angry.
I threw them in the bin. Don't worry though. Now that Hive is mooning you have no need for such tatty shoes. I shall buy you Persian Kittens dipped in molten gold to wear upon your feet!
Oh for god sake. Here we go again with the "when Hive is pumping" nonsense.
The Good Lady sighed and paced into the kitchen with her non-shoed feet.
Hey. What the hell? Where is all the food? And the milk? The Fridge is empty?
The Good Lady yelled belligerently from the Kitchen.
I chortled as if shitting in a Nunnery.
Food?! Milk?! I threw it out!!
I stood majestically and gestured grandly at imaginary riches around me.
We have no need for food now that Hive is mooning. Oh no. Food is for losers. From now on baby we will feast on Nectar and Myrrh!
My mouth salivated at the godly delights of what was to enter my mouth.
The Good Lady popped her head out of the Kitchen. Her face, a weary thing sagging with exasperation.
Myrrh? What the fuck actually is Myrrh?
She asked.
I lol'd un-ironically.
Nobody knows what Myrrh really is baby! But we will, soon we won't be able to move for the fucking stuff! And the nectar. Don't forget the nectar!
I smacked my lips in anticipation of all the Myrrh and shit that the rich eat.
Oh god. You are impossible when you are like this.
The Good Lady strode back into the room and folded her arms.
Now now, Lady of mine. You had better watch your step now that Hive is mooning. Lest I replace you with a harem of Nubians ever ready to suckle at my majestic teats.
I closed my eyes in ecstasy, I could already hear them, clamouring for my milk.
And when exactly is all this going to happen?
The Good Lady's voice rudely interrupted my imaginings.
Just a couple more hundred satoshis, baby. Then, we can forget this squalor that we live in. I will but us a house composed entirely of still moo-ing wagyu beef!! We will be as gods!!
Oooo. ok then. Can I get my hair done at that fancy hairdresser in town?
The Good Lady seemed to be getting on board the Hive train.
I tittered.
Of course you can. Fuck it. Phone them and make an appointment right now. And tell them to get some Myrrh in. Plenty of Myrrh!!!
I sat back down and looked at Blockfolio again.
Not long now.