Daddy, do you know where my monster T-Shirt is?
Asked the Little Boom.
These words were uttered innocently but how was he to know the carnage that was to come from such a simple question?
How was he to know that this small number of words was about to rip the fabric of spacetime itself apart as we were flung into an adventure involving time, the multiverse and a man with a peculiar hat?!
But I get ahead of myself.
Your monster T-Shirt? I dunno dude. Is it in your top drawer?
I called out absently before returning to playing Skyrim like the very best kind of doting Father.
No, it's not, I looked.
His voice wobbled. It was his favourite T-Shirt. A whacky white number with a furry monster face on the front in which the mouth was actually a zip and you could open it to reveal a mouthy red pocket.
Genius I say.
I was tempted to steal the idea and make a version for adults but with a Bahjina Monster instead.
The Little Boom made a gulping noise and I could tell that some big tears were about to fall.
This couldn't happen. Not on my watch.
I stood up and put the X-Box controller down. Shit needed doing.
Young man. We will find your T-Shirt but to do that... we will have to travel back in time!!
The tears which had been brimming over his eyes drained away almost magically as he looked at me the same way a pedigree Cockatoo looks at a street pigeon's cock.
But Daddy? Time travel isn't possible?
He said this with the certainty of those who exist in single-digit figures of age.
I ran into the kitchen, hit start on the washing machine and returned to clap him on the shoulders.
Doesn't exist? Well, let's see about that young man! To the time machine!!
I tugged him out the front door toward the car. Or at least what he thought was the car and time as we knew it, ceased to exist.
We popped back into existence somewhere deep in the dark Victorian past. What the hell? had we overshot?
Had someone meddled with the timestream?
We had to find a way back.
We hurried through the dark cobbled streets which were full of ancient means of perambulation.
As we passed an old cart being pulled along by some fine-plumed black horses I realised that these methods of transport would not be enough.
I saw an olde phone box. I knew I shouldn't, but I leapt in and dialled a special code.
A voice on the other end told me the coordinates of an underground train and advised we head there with all due haste.
I dragged the Little Boom with me, an increasing sense of urgency pressing on us.
The train was there and we leapt in.
Thankfully it was empty.
We were careful not to spit.
We hopped out at our stop past a garishly painted van.
Finally coming across the time travelling train of our dreams.
We hopped on. The control panel looked a little complex but it has been said that I know my way around an old steamer and it would be rude to deny it.
I whisked us back to the present and we arrived back in our house, slightly out of breath.
I waltzed into the kitchen and opened the washing machine. Out popped the boomster's clean Monster T-Shirt.
He leapt up and down with happiness on seeing it. Then he paused and looked serious.
But Daddy, you forgot about the mysterious evil and crazy man with a hat?
He looked stricken and I ruffled his hair reassuringly.
Don't worry, youngster. I didn't forget...