Boss Man, you got anything you need done?
I twirled a pen through my fingers as if I was actually going to write something by hand.
El-Jefe looked up from his laptop, his eyes rimmed red as if he had been rubbing them on an Ocelot's shoulder.
What do you mean?
He frowned, a dangerous activity for such a plump man as the blubber on his face teetered on the edge of avalanche.
What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean I don't have much work at the moment so I am asking if you have anything you need done.
I held myself back from spearing him with my pen like the great walrus hunters of the frozen wastes.
There must be something you can pick up, the month-end stuff??
El-Jefe looked nervous which was unusual for him as he did not usually conform to such human ways.
It's not the month end and I have cleared everything. I have absolutely nothing to do.
I pursed my lips and made a tiny little miniature man fart noise.
El-Jefe shivered as if Doris at the Kebab shop was inviting him around for some brunch again. He stood up and looked furtively around him before beckoning with his finger.
Say nothing. Follow me.
He got up and marched off to the fire exit stairs with a stride that could dry washing.
Bemused I followed. He was acting a bit odd, the Heffalump. Odder than usual at least. Now that I thought about it he had been this way for a while. I had put it down to him eating too many cheesy hot dogs before bedtime but it seemed that might only be part of the issue.
At the fire exit, he held the door open for me, staring left and right as he did so like a cheap hero in an even cheaper movie closing the gates against the hordes.
The door closed with a soft budumph.
What's this all about, Boss-Man?
I made to say more but El-Jefe made a shushing motion and pointed up the stairs.
Let's go to the roof. It's safer there.
He thudded up the stairs like a nightmarish printing press made of lard.
I huffed and followed. After a few flights to the backdrop of El-Jefe's thunderous wheezing, we reached the top which opened out onto a landing of sorts. El-Jefe whipped around to face me, almost knocking me off my feet with one of his moobs.
You can't say you have nothing to do?! I mean it. Don't say it in the office.
His voice somehow managed to screech and whisper at the same time.
Eh, relax, Boss-Man. I just want to get some work to be getting on with. Why the panic?
I pulled my pen back out of my pocket and gave it a nibble.
El-Jefe leaned close to me, close enough for me to smell the cheesy after-scent of his prior evening's entertainment.
You must have seen them? The guys in the suits? They are contractors. Looking for efficiencies. So you can't say you have nothing to do or...
El-Jefe mimed a throat-cutting motion.
Calm down man. I am fairly sure that we are safe. They need us to do all the donkey work managing the outsourced shit.
I tried to sound confident but felt a little tickle of fear.
El-Jefe's eyes grew large and he shook his head.
Keep an eye out for them... and remember... Look busy!
If this was a cheap movie he would have disappeared after such a warning but sadly it was real life and I had to watch him flollop down the stairs like a sad seal.
I shook my head and followed him, drama fucking queen, I thought to myself.
Later in the midst of pretending to do work, I got up to the water cooler and started filling my bottle.
Oh, hello. Sorry, we haven't met. What's your name?
A chirpy-looking dolt in a tight-trousered suit interrupted my water bottle filling. I had never seen him before.
James Cameron. You?
I answered with one of my smiles that makes fallopian tubes quiver.
Simian, pleased to meet you James. I am sure I will see you around.
Simian gave me a calculating look before walking off and I stared after him.
Hmm, this must be one of the tadgers El-Jefe was talking about.
I nodded grimly.
Game on.
