Access to this content has been blocked under organisational policies.
A low growl rumbled in my throat as I glared at the message on my screen.
Donkey fucking BASTARD!
I yodelled at the screen in a subtle way of showing my disapproval. For good measure, I angrily rattled and swiped my mouse back and forth on the desk a few times.
It didn't change anything.
I sighed and picked up the phone.
Help desk, Jax speaking, what can I do for you?
Murmured a quiet but helpful sounding Jax.
Someone has rolled out an update to Chrome. It's broke my stuff. I need to download an updated version of chromedriver but I am being blocked by the fun filter.
I stated my problem succinctly without shouting or punching anything. Although I hadn't spoken to Jax before, he sounded like a capable chap. Surely, I was in good hands?
Can I have your desk no?
Enquired Jax politely.
E20.
And may I take your mobile number, in case we get cut off? That way I can call you back.
I made a grumphing noise and supplied my number.
Jax went quiet. I could hear him tapping away on a keyboard for what seemed like a minute. I tried not to spontaneously combust, surely he wasn't writing my phone number in longhand? It didn't have that many digits.
Eventually the tapping noise finished.
And sir, if you could describe the problem to me as clearly as you can please?
I already did. I need to download something and the fun filter is stopping me.
I said through gritted teeth.
Sorry sir... The fun filter?
The internet security filter. You know, the one that stops us looking at porn all day whilst masturbating?
There was a dreadful silence. Which was a bit odd, the guys on the helpdesk were a salty lot normally.
I am sorry sir, you want to download something in contravention of your organisation's security?
I opened my mouth to speak then closed it. Hang on, my organisation?
Jax... Who do you work for?
I asked hesitantly, as if I were speaking to a sculptor and disagreeing over the size of my penis.
First Line Support, sir. We are your new help desk provisioners.
I hung up with a clatter.
Everything alright, BoomDawg?
El Jefe had materialised out of nowhere grinning like a madman on a boat full of potatoes.
Boss man, what happened to the help desk?
Ah the helpdesk... Didn't you get the email?
El Jefe looked around as if delivering a speech at his non-existent daughters wedding.
No, what email?
We have secured a new partner for our tech support needs.
We've what?? We've outsourced the helpdesk!? But that's insane, I need something done fast?
My voice warbled up and down as if I were the dude from Maroon 5 doing a shit.
El Jefe grimaced as if he were actually the dude from Maroon 5 doing a shit.
We haven't outsourced anyone. We have engaged a partner to deliver a service. Saving us a shit-ton of money into the bargain.
He visibly swaggered at the last part.
Shouldn't we have been told first?
I said, my left eyebrow creeping up to a dangerous half mast.
El Jefe waved a hand around airily.
Like I said, there's an email. Or something. It doesn't matter, you won't notice anything. It will be seamless.
Seamless.
My eyebrow was now fully cocked in all its fearsome glory. Somewhere outside, a dog howled.
Yeah, seamless.
Yer arse.
I beg your pardon?
Nothing, boss.
I sighed and picked up the phone again. It was going to be a long day.