It had been a rough day.
The little boom has a cold and kept us up half the night. I left the house for work in a blizzard of tired confusedness.
I compensated for this by telling myself that tiredness is for the weak. and when I got to work I sat with a coffee, scowling at folk who came anywhere near my desk. It seemed to work a treat and my morning passed with few interruptions.
As lunchtime approached I realised that in the sleepless haze of leaving the house I had forgotten to bring anything edible in with me.
Fuck it. Junk food time!
I went to the cafe on the top floor and bought myself yet more coffee and a big junk food Cajun 'meat 'n spicy shit' burger and a bag of crisps. Then I found a nice quiet seat on a couch and sat with a contented sigh and stared at my food before wrapping my gums around it.
I was halfway through when an elephantine something plopped down beside me. Damn, I had let down the scowling guard! Who dared bother me when Junk feasting?
It was Steve, a chap in work of the larger variety. If we were whales he would definitely be of the spermy variety.
He gave me a jovial nod. I nodded back. That's fine, sit there and don't talk, that will be fine.
He looked at my burger, half-eaten and dripping with all kinds of delectable sauciness. His face fell.
Is that what you are having for your lunch?
There was a distinctly disapproving quality to his voice.
Yep, dead things and spicy sauce in a roll.
Have you any idea what things like that do to you? Inside?
I grabbed my burger and had another bite, in my head I was tearing at the neck of an Antelope and making growly wowly, gnarly warly noises.
He opened a paper wrapped package and then proceeded to pick at some fruity, leafy things inside it with a fork. Tucking into his odd leafy lunch he proceeded to lecture me on my dietary shortcomings. As my mouth was mostly full of spicy meat I could hardly defend myself.
I got to the end of my roll as he was wittering on about phenols.
Phenols.
I stated flatly.
Yeah, you want to eat more phenols, lots of fruits and berries.
I scowled at him like a rat's penis would at a pigeon.
You still doing the slimming club thing? How's that coming along?
His face beamed and he became all animated.
I am!! I actually lost two pounds this week!
I grinned back fiercely.
Well done! That's excellent. God, how many years have you been doing that now?
It's nearly three...
His voice tailed off and his face went pink, glistening like a sweaty cow's udder before he gave a mightily indignant harrumph and stomped off with his fruit and leaves.
Ahhh.
I sat back and started eating my crisps with a happy smile.
