See, it all started, cos some guy in China ate a bat.
My brother peered at me through his phone screen and nodded seriously as if he were a tailor talking about which side a fellow should wear his penis.
I glared at my phone and winced visibly.
What?
Due to the evil Corvid-19 and the resulting Lockdown, I had been video calling various family members and friends to keep up the social contact without actually going anywhere near someone.
It was going well so far with the number of penises glimpsed being a satisfying zero.
My brother had decided not to bother with idle chit-chat and threw himself straight into an explanation of the origins of the Corona virus.
What do you mean what? It's true. A Chinese dude ate a fucking bat. That's how all this shit started.
My brother narrowed his eyes at me on the screen and huffed through his large and hairy nostrils.
The video call quality was pretty good and I could see that he had an alarming number of hairs poking clean out of his nose and that those hairs were largely a silvery-white.
Old bastard.
I don't think that it started because someone ate a bat.
I said flatly.
It fucking did. I'm telling you, I read it on the Facebook.
My brother stated indignantly as if everybody knew that Chinese people loved munching bats.
I took in a deep breath.
I noticed the view of my brother slip down on the screen so that I could only see the top half of his head. Fuck sake. After several video calls this morning in which the same thing had happened, I had to wonder, can no one actually hold the phone properly when video calling?
It didn't start because someone ate a fucking bat.
Did.
Didn't
Fucking did so, right?
It fucking didn't, ya daft bastard.
My brother leaned in close to the screen so I could see one foosty looking eye really close up.
Wee man, I am fucking telling you. I read it on the Facebook. A Chinese guy ate a fucking bat and that is how it started.
He growled forcefully.
I looked off to the side then I looked back at him.
That is not how it started. Who would eat a fucking bat? No one. Would you eat a fucking bat?
I growled back at him.
There was a long pause in which we frowned at each other. Then my brother nodded thoughtfully and answered.
No, of course, I wouldn't eat a bat...
I opened my mouth to shout Aha! but before I could, he continued.
Because I'm not Chinese.
I gave up.
