Dangnabbit, so near and yet so far!
I tapped a key grumpily to power up another ten hives. I had been powering up all manner of large and small amounts lately to try and get to the fabled 100K Hive Power.
So near to what darling?
The Good Lady was wandering around the lounge with a ball of wool in her hands, strands of it appeared to be wrapped around many of her fingers as if she were impersonating a marmoset's vagina with her hands.
My Hive power, I have ninety-nine thousand! I am only a thousand away from the big one. The big one hundred thousand Hive Power. To be perfectly honest, I never thought I would reach it.
I held my hands out to the side and made a goldfish-popping noise with my mouth as if I had been awoken from a coma by someone singing that mental Swedish Eurovision-winning song at me.
Ninety-nine thousand Hive Power...
The Good Lady said slowly, as if fearing she was being tricked.
And what is that again?
She paused, mid-finger-weave and tilted her head to the side questioningly.
Och, come on. Hive Power, It's what you get on Hive when you stake your Hive.
I grinned. Who didn't like a little staking?
Staking? What, like a vampire? Woooo, come here Hive, I'm a gonna stake you!!
She theatrically mimed plunging something sharp and woody into a ne-er-do-well vampire's chest. Or at least she tried. Her fingers were festooned with wool so instead it looked like she was panning for gold in a chest-height river.
I looked up and prayed to the old gods for the patience to explain this for the seventy millionth time.
No no no. Staking, it's when you power up your Hive. You get Hive Power which gives you bigger votes 'n shit. Like if I had a thousand Hive which is magic internet money I could power it up and I would have a bigger vote and earn interest on it and stuff.
Even as I was saying it I was cringing because it sounded fucking nuts.
Why not just spend it?
She made a tentative poking motion with one of her fingers to the nest of wool tangled in her other hand. It was like watching a Nature documentary of shy woodland creatures getting it on.
You can just spend it but it's better if you power it up and you get to dish out bigger votes and earn interest on it.
I nodded, hoping it might be infectious and she might start too.
Sounds bloody stupid. I would just spend it.
She made a proud-sounding little chuffing noise as she managed to lasso another finger with a loop of wool.
Well, I am going for the big one hundred so it's power-up central for me!
I started humming the A-Team tune because why the hell not? I had a plan, didn't I? And it was coming together, wasn't it? Hell yeah!
So hang on. You have nearly a hundred thousand Hive Power. Which is basically Hive? So you can get it back from Hive Power can't you?
The Good Lady sat cross-legged, something she could happily do now some years after her last childbirth without all her giblets falling out.
Yeah baby! When you take it out its called a Power Dooooooowwwn.
I smirked, I think she was getting it. We were Hive bros. She was my homey in the Hiving.
How much is Hive worth these days?
She looked down at her mad hand weaving and wriggled her fingers at one another till she caught another woolly loop.
Ha! Well, it's worth...
I froze, my mouth flapping open like Chris Rock's jaw after the slap.
I looked at the Good Lady as time seemed to slow. Hive was worth about 37 cents. I didn't even have to think. I always know the price of Hive. But she didn't know the price of Hive. In fact, I had an awful feeling if she did know the price of Hive then I wouldn't have any Hive in my wallet.
It would all be spunked up the muck of the local travel company or in buying shit for the house. I would have no Hive Power and she wouldn't give two hoots.
It's not often I lie to the Good Lady, except for those times I stagger home smelling of another lady's cloven hoof or with feathers in my hair and a wallet bulging with soiled fives.
But necessity is the mother of lying like fuck or something like that.
It's only worth a few cents. Quite low. Holding on to it in case it ever moons, you know?
I smiled winningly as if we were lovers that had decided to have children and stop being lovers.
Oh, so that would mean it's all worth a few thousand then? Ah, that's not much. May as well leave it.
She got up with the woollen madness in her hands and bumbled off into another room to mess with someone else's head.
Yeah, it's not much.
I whispered.
Not much at all...
