Hey, Daddy-Bear. When you going to start going back to the gym?
I looked up from the bag of doughnuts I was eating and saw the Good Lady scrutinising me from the door of the Kitchen.
Huh?
I replied through an ejected puff of floury sugar crystals.
You know, the gym? Remember, the gym? You haven't been for a while, what is it now, a month at least?
The Good Lady's scrutiny took on a feegy look as if she were a Labrador rooting in someone's bin.
I put my doughnuts to the side and sent a stern stare the Good Lady's way.
Lass. Are you trying to say I am fat?
I said with slow and deliberate care as if tasting candied pigs feet at a Chinese market.
Oh goodness!! Of course not darling. I wouldn't say such a thing to you. Not you. Oh no.
The Good Lady raised a hand to her mouth in horror at the idea as if she were a Drama Student in a cheap local College.
I was not entirely convinced and lowered my brow, figuratively pawing at the ground with my leathery hooved feet as if readying to charge her with my briny horn.
It's just that, you know, with all of the stuff going on, you have been eating an awful lot. I thought you might like to burn off some of that energy you are storing up in the gym.
She said tenderly as if imparting the news to an elderly Aunt at a wedding that her skirt was caught up in her pantyhose.
The energy I am storing up.
I said flatly.
You bloody boot, you're telling me to lose some beef arent you? This is an outrage! I am like a prime rib. A bloody greek god of raw meat and hotness and you are telling me I need to lose some weight?!
The Good Lady bowed her head in apology.
No, darling. I am definitely not. Don't you worry about that? You have most certainly not put on any weight. I swear.
At that point, the Little Lady burst into the room.
Hey, Mummy, Daddy. Oohh is that Doughnuts?
She spied the bag next to me on the couch and leapt forward to grab at it.
I'll take these, Daddy. You're getting fat.
She waltzed off with them.
The Good Lady stifled something that might have been a giggle.
I stood up.
You know. I think I will go to the gym today after all.