Oh hi there!
I looked up from my coffee and grimaced. It was Bawface. A rather annoying mummy friend of the Good Lady.
I was sitting in the cafe at the local park on my own as my mate Daz couldn't meet for our usual Monday hootenanny since his third child had been born.
In his own words.
It's fucking mental all the time, mate. I feel like I'm in hell.
I had assured him that we were indeed in hell but not to worry because one day everything would get better, most likely in the far future when we were old and the best bits of life were behind us.
Hence, I was alone in the park enjoying a quiet coffee as the remains of my two day hangover ebbed.
Or at least it had been quiet, till Bawface arrived.
She pulled out a chair across from me and sat, plopping her Buddha like son on her knee.
It's a lovely day isn't it? Harry loves the sun, don't you Harry?
Gooboo bwat.
Replied the bundle on her knee through wet lips.
I smiled and nodded politely. I didn't like her son. He was a fat wee bastard who had shoved the little boom over at a party once. I hadn't forgotten.
Bawface pulled out about seventeen different plastic tubs and began opening them and pushing the contents at her bulbous wart-child.
As Bawface focused on the task at hand, I caught his eye.
Gawwoorl...
I growled low in my throat and made a monster face.
Harry yelled and flung the sweet potato thing he had been smooshing against his mouth on the table.
Gawaaa, gawaaaaa!!!!
He pointed at me, his face stricken.
Bawface looked up at my now smiling happy exterior.
Your not scared of BoomDawg are you? He's a lovely man!
Gawaaaaa!! Ga! GA!!
He thrashed back and forth in his mummy's grip. Every time Bawface turned to comfort him, I contorted my face into a variety of scary expressions.
Harry grew ever more frantic until Bawface couldn't take it any more. She stood and stuffed him kicking and screaming into his massive pram.
So sorry about this, I don't know what's gotten into him? It must be his nap time. Maybe see you in a minute?
She wheeled off the squalling Harry.
I looked down at my own pram where the little boom lay, having slept through all the noise.
Don't worry little man, I've got your back.