Tell me, has anyone here actually been hacked?
The new SecOps guy stopped prowling in front of the white-board and fixed his audience with a intense stare.
No one said anything.
A bunch of us had been dragged to a meeting room in which El-Jefe was present and with a face that implied he was doing a venison-shit he announced a shift in our development culture.
No more were we to be agile.
No more were we to be DevOps.
Now, we were to be DevSec.
And apparently, the man to drag us kicking and screaming into the modern ICT age was the preening popinjay before us, Quimby.
He had a Game of Scrums mug in his hand and looked like the sort who rode one of those folding bikes.
Oh, come on? Someone must have been hacked at some point surely?
Said Quimby gazing around the room somewhat desperately in the manner of a man who's foreskin was too tight.
I tutted at the lack of participation from my so called colleagues and decided to be a Canadian for a day and help him out.
I was sort of hacked once.
I said in a friendly I will give you the benefit of the doubt and not assume you are a total penis manner.
Ha!! Well, I can promise it wasn't me that hacked you!
Quimby shouted, pointing at me contemptuously as if I were dressed up as Moana and was jacking off into a curly seashell.
But maybe it was!
He then contradicted himself in a giggly way that set my teeth right on edge.
Ah, so much for Canadian niceties. He was a penis.
I gave him a hard look. A measuring look.
Was it you?
I said slowly raising an incredibly well trimmed eyebrow at him.
People might tell you that trimming your eyebrows isn't cool but neither is being in your late forties and looking like a yeti.
Besides, it goes well with the shaved silk purse.
Noooo! Of course not! Or maybe it was!
Quimby danced from foot to foot as if someone was playing Bohemian Rhapsody on his Prince Harry.
I've hacked a few things in my time! Not all of them ethically!
He looked around at his captive audience as if longing to be patted on the head and told he was a clever boy.
I pulled my phone out and tapped the screen before getting up and making for the exit.
Sorry, got to take this call.
There was no call. Life is too short for such penisery.