The worst of the snow is behind us and Scotland is slowly starting to get back to normal.
As a result I was back at my desk in work with a merry gleam in my eye today. Questions raced through my head. What challenges awaited me? Would I be able to pretend enough in my job to look as though I cared? Had I masturbated in the shower? (Oh wait, I know the answer to that one.)
Everyone else was as pleased to be back as I was by the looks of the downtrodden faces coming in the door. I was quite happy though. A couple of days working from home and I felt like a new man.
As a result every time someone spoke to me I was spectacularly cheery/cheeky in my response.
In through the door walked an older lady colleague I am quite friendly with, shaking her trouser legs.
Ooo, that bloody snow, look at me, I'm soaking!
My my missus, you might want to keep that to yourself.
Said I, tapping my nose.
She made a scrooking noise followed by a tutting.
I chortled at my own astounding wit.
Later in the kitchen whilst I was making a coffee, a mousey Software developer came in and started babbling about Java blah blah and persistence blah blah Java blah blah blah.
After almost a full minute of him boring me out of my chump, probably because I knew little of the Persistence he was talking about. I couldn't stop my errant mouth from spouting.
You know what is persistent, JavaMan?
Umm, what?
You and your Java shite. This is the kitchen. No work talk, ever.
He sulkily pulled his tea bag out from his horrifyingly stained mug and left grumbling something about people being too big for their boots.
Back at my desk the chat around me seemed to be focused back on the snow which had started again with a vengeance. Someone came staggering through the door like an arctic explorer, their furry hat and scarf caked in icy wet stuff.
Looks like someone threw a snowball right in your face!
Hooted one of my wittier colleagues.
Yeah!! From their PENIS!
I yelled.
Everything went a bit quiet. The snow clad person shook their snowy head and removed their hat.
It was El Jefe. He did not look amused.
In fact he looked very, very angry. Coincidentally, that made him look like a baby struggling to fart.
He took a couple of steps toward me.
Oh oh, it looked like I might be for it.
Aye, an elephants penis!
Shouted some wag from further back in the office.
El Jefe made a strangled noise like a dolphin having it's ronson fiddled with and sulkily stamped off. As he receded into the distance I heard him grumble to someone about respect in the workplace.
Ah, I love Fridays!
