KAZAAA!
I flung myself ninjastically into the meeting room delivering a devastating throat strike to the imaginary guard lurking within.
Assailant vanquished, I flopped down on one of the chairs around the big central table with a tired sigh.
This working/ninja fighting lark was fair exhausting.
I checked my phone to see what nonsense this next meeting was about.
'Building for the Future'
I swallowed hard to stop several of my major organs attempting a breakout. What a load of shit.
Sighing like an old and slightly burst sofa, I resigned myself to the next hour being full of people in shiny suits talking about solutions when the nearest they had ever come to one was the stuff they dipped their connect lenses in.
As if on cue the door opened and a shiny suited cock-weasel entered. He spied me and gave me a rambunctious grin.
Alright mate! I'm Jimmy. I will be leading this session.
He looked about at the so far empty room.
Looks like you're my first!
He giggled.
I threw him a jaggy look.
His first? Did he think we were about to engage in some manner of nubbly-jubbling?
Hmmm.
I said enigmatically.
Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel pulled a laptop out of his bag and started the traditional half an hour of fannying about with it to get it to display on one of the large TV's on the wall.
I snorted. He was obviously new. No one got the TV's working. Not without some occult dark magic jiggery-pokery and Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel looked far from that kind of man.
Some minutes passed.
Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel looked up from the laptop, a sheen of sweat on his brow.
There's meant to be another five or six of us?
He murmured, one hand up the arse of the table in the hope of finding a cable that he could tug on until it released.
It's ten past. No one is coming.
I said getting my phone out and getting some steeming in.
Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel made a defeated groaning noise and pulled his hand free from where he had been pleasuring the table.
I'm not getting anywhere with that.
He said, a tinge of embarrassed rouge colouring his cheeks.
Aye.
I murmured so as not to make him feel like an ignored newbie prick that wasn't capable of getting a laptop to connect to a television.
Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel gulped, his confidence on entering seemed to have evaporated after his short connection tussle.
Shall we just start without the others then?
He asked a little desperately as if he were a Mormon dancing with his girlfriend to Mustang Sally.
What? Just us two? Hell no. I'm out of here.
I scoffed, putting my phone away and standing up.
But I was told I had to have the first of these sessions kicked off by today...
Mumbled Captain-Cock-Weasel miserably.
Hmm.
I said sympathetically.
Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel twitched and looked hopefully at me.
Yes, so if you stay, I can run through it. It won't take long and then I will be in the clear?
He said with some of the weasel returning to his face.
Aye no bother. If you give me a fiver, I will stay.
I said graciously.
Ha, good one. Very funny.
Said Jimmy-The-Cock-Weasel his smile slipping a little.
I'm not joking.
I said flatly giving him the same look I give the cleaner when she asks if she can take my empty coffee cups.
I'm not giving you a fiver!?
Jimmy spluttered as if never having had to deal with a master of the workplace such as myself before.
Then I'm offski.
I headed out the door.
Don't leave me hanging!!
Yelled Captain Pugwash.
I made a farting noise with all of the lips on my face and smiled as I walked on.
He'll learn.
