Oh hey, BoomDawg. Sorry!! Didn't you hear me coming?
Didn't I hear him coming? The last time I had heard that kind of shit was in a back alleyway in Korea sometime around '68.
I peered out of one eye from the ground to where I had tumbled. What the fuck had hit me? Something blackish and slightly sticky rolled off my face. I picked it up and stared at it in some bewilderment.
Had a donkey somehow shat on me?
Ah, the blood sausage! My memories came flooding back and I looked over at the apologiser.
It was Nad. One of the guys who worked in my Squad at the new place. He got out of the golf cart he had been driving which seemed to have been the thing which had rattled me up the arse and sent me flying.
Really sorry mate. Still getting used to these bloody things.
Nad helped me up.
I looked at the pimped up Golf Cart disdainfully. It reminded me of a French prostitute in August.
I curled up a lip in disgust and rubbed at my left hip which was throbbing manfully.
No, I didn't hear you coming.
I said in a slightly more whiney voice than I might have liked.
Ah, Sorry again. Anyway, I was sent to collect you. To take you to the Big Boss. For the... you know...
He winked slowly and very theatrically.
Oh aye, winking was it? I knew this game. My Good Lady often said I was a champion winker.
I winked back and threw in a small snarl which chased the smile from his face. It was about time that Nad learned I wasn't the kind of guy you smacked on the arse and called Charlie.
I boarded the little cart and sat where he was waving his hand at.
Take me to him, take me to... The Big Boss.
Nad drove me in the pimp-wagon down a wide corridor for about forty meters then stopped at a door.
There you go, mate. Good luck.
He flashed me a grin that implied he was more than familiar with licking the bottom of bins.
I limped off the pimp-wagon and pushed open the door that he had pointed at.
Inside was a large office. I advanced in, behind me, the door closed gently as if pushed by small gnomes. A large desk dominated the middle of the room and sitting bang in the middle of it was a large and handsome lizard.
So this was the Big Boss.
Of course, everything was starting to make more sense now.
I walked forward until I was a mere two paces from him. He watched me approach with a black and beady eye. His leathery skin rippled as if to pounce. I gritted my teeth. If he thought I was going to be easy meat he was greatly mistaken.
Already, I was envisaging tearing of his skin and fashioning myself a Hand-Shandy glove.
What a pretty boy.
The Big Boss spoke without moving his leathery lizard lips. Obviously through some kind of telepathy.
Despite being on my guard for potential danger, I couldn't help but be flattered. He was right. I was a pretty boy. But pretty or not wasn't going to save his skin from being a spunk mitten if he crossed me.
Cut to the chase Boss Man. What is it you want from me?
His black beady eyes drilled into me, seeking to delve into my very soul. There was a power here. Something dark and malevolent. It took a great deal of effort not to wilt and die on the floor under that gaze.
You sent your minion to collect me in some pimpish electric buggy, so come on, out with it. What do you want from me?
Would you like a biscuit, my pretty boy?
Again his voice skrawked telepathically into my brain.
A biscuit? What was this, a test? There was something going on here. Something dark.
No. I want information, that's what I want.
Oh, is it information you are after?
Another voice that wasn't the Lizard's boomed out from behind me and I felt a warm and wet thing fasten itself to my shoulder.
I turned and gagged with horror at the thing which had lurched up behind me as if from nowhere...
