Do you trust me?
I asked.
Is it chocolate? Chocolate chocolate, please!
Yelled the little lady.
She sat beside her mummy at the big table. The little boom was perched on high chair looking bemused at the antics he was witnessing.
I had promised them all a surprise. A treat no less. I insisted that everyone gather at the table for it.
So they sat there, expectantly. Eyes closed as I had instructed, waiting.
It's not chocolate.
Aw!
Wailed the little lady in disappointment.
But it is very, very tasty...
Hurry up, Daddy-Bear. The suspense is killing us!
Said the good lady. She was trying to act all cool and not bothered but I could see that she was just as excited as our daughter at the thought of a tasty surprise.
Ok then, do you trust me?
I asked again.
Yes!
They chorused impatiently.
Right, keep your eyes closed and open your mouths.
They did, fidgeting and giggling in anticipation.
Are you ready for the surprise?
I said grandly.
Yes, hurry up!
Said the good lady.
Ok then, here it is!
I placed one of the small treats in each of their mouths.
Well, you like? Can you guess what it is?
I asked, excited now myself to see what they thought.
The good lady concentrated, giving the treat an interrogative chew.
Crunchy. A little bit spicy. Kettle chips?
She asked, confident she had cracked it.
Not kettle chips no.
Tastes like barbeque sauce.
Said the little lady as she crunched away.
Very good! Yes, BBQ flavour is right! But what are they? Anyone?
They both shook their heads, the little lady was starting to frown and pick at her tongue.
Can we open our eyes now?
Asked the good lady. She too was making a bit of a gnarly face.
Yes indeed, open your eyes!
I yodelled merrily.
Bit of an aftertaste, I don't know if I like it. What are they?
The good lady looked about for the packet of whatever it was I had fed them.
I flipped it onto the table in front of her.
You mean you didn't enjoy the tasty crunchy goodness of crickets?!
What!? Ugh!!
The good lady looked aghast at the packet before her.
The little lady flew from her chair and ran around the room screaming dementedly whilst pawing at her tongue.
Oh my god, that's so foul. How could you do this!?
Yelled the good lady at me.
Hey chick, don't be mad. In ten years this will be all that's left for us to eat.
I motioned at the little lady who was still running back and forth as if she was on fire, her screams now morphing into tortured sobs.
I am doing you all a favour, preparing you for the dark days ahead.
I pronounced grandly.
The little lady slumped on the sofa making a face as if her daddy had fed her fried insects.
The good lady glugged some water down, her face contorted with loathing for her own mouth.
What did you think of them?
She asked testily.
Me?
I barked a disdainful laugh and curled my lip up in distaste.
Are you nuts? I'm not trying them. Eeewww.