What you up to?
The Good Lady said, stopping in her tracks as she bustled about the Good Ship Boom making sure that all was as it should be.
I was crouched by the door with a grin the colour of madness plastered all over my beautiful face.
What are yooooou up to?
I screeched like a mad old fisher wife who had stopped to ask her handsome husband silly questions.
I am taking the fucking dog out for a walk.
The Good Lady humphed, folding her arms across her chest.
But we don't have a dog, hah hah hah hah.
I cackled like a Scooby-Doo Villain before those pesky kids finally get him.
Of course, we don't have a dog.
The Good Lady didn't seem to be playing.
Didn't she know it was Friday? The day of Kings? When all that is wrong with the world becomes right for a couple of days?
So, why are you crouching by the door? What are you up to?
She looked at me suspiciously, as if I were famed for bringing loose woman into the house and tearing at them with my teeth in front of the door like a dog with an old shoe.
I am waiting for a delivery. A very special delivery.
I smacked my hands together and rubbed them making a rapid sss sss sssing noise.
Oh. Special delivery is it? Let me guess. That would be your beer delivery wouldn't it?
She made that face that wives do when they see their husbands enjoying themselves immensely.
Just because I look excited doesn't mean it's beer, you know. It could be lots of other things.
I stretched and stood up as my rickety old matchstick knees were beginning to seize up tight like a Nun's wazzock.
Pfft. Of course, it's beer, why else would you be hanging about the front door?
I put my very serious face on. The very same one I wear when I am in the shower examining my chumbawumbas or testing the height of a bike saddle.
Maybe something else is happening. Maybe something really important. Maybe something...
There was a squeak of brakes outside the house and through the mottled glass of the front door, I saw a white van pull up.
My heart started pounding like a drummer with new sticks.
The Bear-Man!! The Bear-Man!!
I started clawing at the door to open it.
I knew it was beer. I still don't understand why you are so excited though. You get beer every week?
The Good Lady snorted.
I stopped for a moment, twisted my head back and looked at her incredulously.
You don't understand, Big Joe is in this one!!
I hauled the door open.
Big Joe? What the heck is big Joe?
I paused for a moment and laughed.
What is Big Joe? What is Big Joe?!!?! Ha, you'll see lady! YOU WILL SEE!!
And I ran. Out into the glory that was the weekend and Big Joe...
