For God's sake, FOLLOW THE ARROWS!?!
A voice yelled in frustration nearby.
I chuckled to myself. What the fuck. Was someone playing an adventure game? In a Supermarket. How daft.
You think it's fucking FUNNY!?!
Yelled the voice.
Oh dear. Sounded like an older person. Maybe someone's grandpappy was giving them a row about not concentrating on their social distancing.
It was a tricky thing to navigate this whole social distancing malarkey. It is now patently obvious how many people struggle with basic concepts of length.
Which goes a long way to explaining why a lot of women are shocked when they finally see their partners penis and far from being Manaconda they have boasted of, it's more of a two-inch bob.
I cheerily threw the tin of tuna I was holding into my basket and moved on down the aisle.
Seriously!? SERIOUSLY?! FOLLOW THE ARROWS or I WILL call the POLICE ON YOU!
The voice roared like a mighty Dinosaur with its penis caught in a tree.
This was getting too good to be true. I looked up from my shopping nonsense to see who was getting in trouble.
A couple of meters away from me was a man in his late fifties. He had spectacular hair that stuck up and out in many directions as if he had literally just been birthed out a giant vagina and his hair was all matted with the juicy clob from within.
He was bright red with rage and looked as if he was about to collapse and die.
Oddly, he was also looking directly at me.
What makes you so FUCKING SPECIAL?!
He spat out furiously as if he had eaten some poorly cured jerky.
I cast a quick look over my shoulder.
Oddly enough, there was no one behind me.
I made a vibrating farty humming noise with my lips and cocked my head to the side as if one of those dogs that looks like a monkey was pacing around me licking its lips.
Eh, you alright, mate?
I ventured, picking up a jar of olives in case he was a Glasgow loon-ball that needed taking down quickly.
Am I..? AM I ALRIGHT?! I WILL BE ALRIGHT IF YOU FOLLOW THE FUCKING ARROWS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!
He pointed a big beefy finger at me and I flinched at the idea of his poor wife on her wedding night taking one of them for the team.
I looked down at the floor and realised there were a series of arrows pointing which way you should be walking in. I had been going against the flow for several aisles.
That's right, those arrows, you see them? Want to start fucking following them?!
Bellowed Vagina-Head his big ham hock of a finger still poking in my direction like the wrong end of a horse's cock.
I realised I had been in the wrong and it was probably best to apologise or at least mumble something that sounded like an apology and scarper.
Yes, an apology was probably best.
Bugger.
I looked straight into Vagina-Head's eyes.
Stick your arrows up your ARSE.
I flapped my arms furiously and clucked like a mad chicken and sauntered casually away making sure to walk against the direction of the arrows.
