Hey, Daddy-Bear? What's this I found in the car?
The Good Lady's voice echoed stridently from the hall as she stepped back into the house.
I stiffened and not in a naughty beef snarler kind of way.
Shit, what has she found? A spanner? No, nothing wrong with that, mostly. That chocolate bar that kept melting in the heat and then freezing in the cold? Nah, that was science.
I relaxed, it was cool. There was nothing gnarly in the car that I had to fear the Good Lady finding.
She pushed open the living room door, in her hands a four-pack tin of beans. She held them up accusingly.
Oh fuck!? My beans!!?
Why are these in the car boot. Shouldn't they be in the house?
She had her hip cocked aggressively at me and since we had decided not to pop out any more devil children I knew that could only mean trouble.
No. I'm afraid they have to stay in the car.
I said warily, in case she covered the distance between us in a few bounds and went for my throat.
Stay in the car? Beans? Why? I will put them in the cupboard.
She made to move off with them.
No!
I stretched a hand out. My shout disturbing one of the cats, which looked up from washing its arse and gave me the vinegar eye.
The Good Lady looked at me in astonishment.
Daddy-Bear, are you ok? It's only some beans?
I lowered my head a little, my shoulders sagging.
We have to keep them in the car.
But why?
They're my Armageddon Beans.
I pulled myself upright and looked at her with a hint of smugness.
What do you mean Armageddon beans!? I've never heard of anything so daft in my entire life.
The Good Lady shook her head at me.
You won't be saying that when the end comes...
I pronounced in a doom-laden end is nigh voice.
She made a packed face as if I had slipped some lovage in her yoghurt again. Then she shook her head and lowered the beans to the floor.
Fine, keep your beans in the car. Someone I think you are nuts.
She walked away into the kitchen.
I giggled. Nuts, eh? Hmm, maybe I should get some nuts for the car too?
