Daddy-Bear, can we have a chat?
I froze. Oh-oh, here it was. The moment I had been dreading. Had she found my secret bin in the attic? What about the emergency cigarettes in the garage?
Oh noes. Please don't let it be the wasp jar? Flippity flip, or those discord messages from the Croatian girls?
I looked up from the wooden block tower building I had been building to surprise the Little Boom and tried to act entirely innocent of all of the above.
The Good Lady came into the lounge and took a seat.
She didn't look mad. Which was a plus, then again sometimes the worst volcanic eruptions come from the quietest of sleepy volcanoes.
Chat, lass? What about? I'm always available for a chat!
I said cheerily whilst thinking the exact opposite.
The Good Lady chewed her lip for a moment, seemingly with indecision. Then she nodded imperceptibly and spoke.
I have been thinking a lot lately and I was wondering... Have you ever considered switching roles?
I raised an eyebrow as if a Goose had gotten into the kitchen and was pecking my underpants out of the washing machine.
Oh dear. The 21st century had a lot to answer for. This damned gender fluidity and ever-increasing letters to add to the LGBTQPSRSTUVX+ etc.
What!?? Wear a fucking dress and clip-clop about the house in high heels?
I said as sensitively as I knew how.
Hmm. I mean, it might have it merits but to what end?
The Good Lady took in one of those breaths and let it out in a controlled sigh.
No, that is not what I mean as I am sure you well know. I mean our roles in the house.
She said patiently.
I tilted my head to the side and made a Hnh sound.
I mean me get a bloody job and you stay at home to look after the kids?!
She skrawked.
Oh.
That stopped me in my tracks.
I had a think.
Me, stay at home and drink coffee whilst doing house chores? Putting the odd bit of washing on and watching television?
Going to the park and making hee-haw noises with the local mummies when they talked about the fat hairy man in the local swimming pool?
She had me.
I looked at her to see if she was serious.
She was looking back at me defiantly.
Hell, she was serious.
Fuck yeah let's do it. I have never heard of a better idea in my entire life!!!
I trilled excitedly like a budgie on a stick.
The Good Lady looked taken aback.
What!? Really? I thought you would be mad?
She said hesitantly.
Mad? Me?? Hells no. Let's go baby girl. Let's do this thing!
I whooped, spanking my own bum and pretend riding an invisible horse.
Erm, well, let's think about it properly first, eh?
She said slowly.
I nodded.
Of course.
Ha, somehow, I don't think she's is quite so keen after all...
