It was an unfortunate sight that first got me worried about old age. That day, I saw a man who was obviously in his 70s hired by a cook to chop wood for cooking. As I walked past this frail, weary looking man I couldn't help but ask myself where his kids were at that present moment. "Why would an old man be subjecting himself to this hellish task?" I pondered.
The fact remains that taking care of our loved ones when they get old is subjective. I've heard of people who neglected their parents because they felt the parents didn't do enough to raise them. While some got embroiled in a bitter battle with their parents and used that as an excuse to avoid them altogether.
There is no denying the fact that taking care of aged parents can be a seriously tough task to the point that one feels maybe he's been unfairly burdened. However, the angle of view depends on several factors and circumstances. The expectations also depend on how financially stable the aged ones are.
Till my paternal grandmother died at the age of 108, Mama took good care of herself. But one thing that stood out for me was the way her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren rallied round her. Whenever I visited, she'd be so glad that she'd nearly start a celebration. All she wanted was to see us once in a while and have us keep in touch. For most of her old age, she was happy because of that.
Now, as regards the idea that children are meant to take care of their old ones, I think it's more prevalent in this part of the world than in the western world. Here, you literally grow up to the fact that your parents welfare is your duty. It gets very worse when some parents decide to turn it into a competition by demanding time and money that matches what their son invests in his young family.
If the child objects, they'll blame his wife for it and remind the son that they sacrificed their interests and youth to raise him. In this situation, the relationship between parents and children quickly becomes toxic. And that's why some men stay far away from their parents to avoid such trouble.
Despite the possibility of the above scenario, I still believe it is our duty to take responsibility for our parents when they grow old. Firstly, all they really want is to spend more time with their loved ones. Whenever I visit my dad, he'd advise me and tell me stories he had told a thousand times over. His face is always lit with gladness as he runs through the familiar tales. Another man's son will probably not listen to those tales. But he tells them because he knows I'll listen and that makes him happy.
Humans are social animals, we cherish a sense of belonging. That sense of belonging is what most parents want, especially those who can still sort themselves out financially. I remembered my mom once accused me of not calling her on regular occasions. Then I told her I called three days ago. She clearly told me three days apart for communication is not ideal. Each phone call probably lasted a few minutes and she'd spent most of it talking to her grandchildren. However, putting a call through to her gives her that important sense of belonging. It reminds her that she's still important.
Finally, the parents deserve all the care, love and attention they can get from their children. They won't be here forever so we need to cherish and take care of them. When they are finally gone, they will be missed. And for a child that didn't do enough, the regret will linger.
