"How do you spot a problem when you don't even know what it looks like? In plain sight, can you find what was never lost?"
The first time I heard about depression I assumed the speaker was bluffing. "This has to be one of those fancy words used to describe a nothingness," I thought to myself. As the speaker tried his best to explain this gripping problem, I switched my mind to more productive thoughts. What he was saying wasn't making any sense to me. I stopped listening.
I grew up in a cultural background where every circumstance is given a spiritual undertone. The overwhelming belief was that no leaf falls from a tree without the knowledge of the Almighty. Every death, every misfortune, every accident, every failure or sickness was always attributed to the machinations of the enemies or the wishes of the Divine One. Simply put, every occurrence has a spiritual explanation. Choosing to believe or not is a person's business.
The first time I had a clear understanding of depression was when I watched Three Idiots. Before then I'd always believed anyone that committed suicide was under some strong spiritual influence. It was hard for me to simply understand that pressures may get too much to the point of seeking death to escape from it all.
But when I watched in the movie how the incredibly talented engineer took his life because he wouldn't be allowed to graduate, my eyes were opened to what depression is. The dude quit it all not because he was desperate to finish schooling to go and make millions. He killed himself because he couldn't stomach the idea of spending an extra year while the whole village awaits his success. He concluded he had failed a whole community.
It is so unfortunate that despite the awareness campaigns out there against depression, people still do not take it seriously. I was surprised when I visited a church only to see about seven guys in chains at the far end. My inquiry showed the guys were suffering from different stages of mental disorder.
But, why would a mentally deranged person be treated in the church? Why would someone who lost all his investments, slipped into depression, started doing drugs to escape his reality only to run mad afterwards be chained to a spot and given anointing oil and water as cure? Even if his sanity was miraculously restored, will his depression miraculously disappear? Honestly, we have to do better.
Due to my unfamiliarity with the idea of what depression is and whatnot for a long time, I won't categorically state whether I've been depressed before or not. However, since I came to grasp with the devil himself, I've done more than enough not to tangle with depression. However, I've had people around me, loved ones, fall into the quicksand of depression before.
Being clearly intelligent is a big blessing that comes with enormous expectations. But when those expectations are not met, a lot of things can quickly go wrong especially in this region where glaring success/riches is the only thing that matters. The loved one who fell into depression was struggling with expectations. When he couldn't live up to the hype, people forsook him.
Knowing that those who used to cherish him have neglected him caused him a lot of grief. He turned frantically to God but couldn't get an answer either. Gradually, he retired into a shell and closed himself up. He felt betrayed by his relatives, by God. He became harsh and defensive. He wouldn't let anyone look down on him because he's not met expectations. But behind the tough look is a kind person hoping for redemption. It never came on time. He fell flat in the face of pressure; he was depressed. He wanted out.
Thankfully, he got a second wind and pushed back. He fought for the ones he loved; he won the battle against depression by celebrating his small successes with those who stuck with him. They helped him out and gradually those small successes became big wins. Now, despite being well over 40, he's doing fine, enjoying his life with a lot to live for. He spent his mid 30s to mid 40s fighting depression. He overcame it.
His victory over depression helped me out when I was also struggling under the weight of expectations. I stopped mourning the big moves that went sideways and started celebrating the small wins. If I had not witnessed his journey, I would've struggled with depression too. Depression is a scary monster; do not look away whenever you notice a person with signs of it. A single word of encouragement can change the trajectory of a person's life. Take care.
