It's been another month or so, and quite a lot happened in the meantime. Is a month a long time? Don't ask me, it passes so quickly that you barely notices it, and then you realize how much happened during that time.
My last post was written when I lied sick in my bed, and it indeed did provide a necessary moment to take a breath before a lot of tasks and responsibilities that awaited me.
• • •
Most of March I spent preparing for the premiere of two short documentary films recorded in my home village Łętownia in Lesser Poland. There was a lot to do: finish the editing process of the videos, find a venue for the event, prepare the script for the evening, invite the blacksmith and carpenter for a discussion after the screening, invite a few officials, promote the event on social media platforms, prepare the necessary equipment (projector, microphones, speakers...). I'll stop enumerating here, but it's just the tip of an iceberg.
Needless to say that all those preparations costed me a lot of thinking, making phone calls, stressing and ensuring everything goes smoothly. Especially that I was also a host and a moderator for the entire evening.
But oh was it worth it! We were positively surprised by the turnout, as we gathered around 100 people. People were so interested, that they barely were able to fit in the room that we had prepared. They also enjoyed the films, laughing and commenting during the screening. And the talk with heroes of the films went very smoothly and without a feeling of superficiality. It has been recorded and may be published at some point in the future.
When it comes to reflections... Firstly, I am very happy to see that the huge amount of work, that me and many other people put into this project, bore fruit. It's obvious that what we want to do is very important and necessary: people living in my home village want to learn about their own history and want to see our regional culture being kept for future generations. This is also proven by the number of talks that I had with guests of that night—many of them thanking for our work, and proposing various forms of help and cooperation.
I am also very proud of our entire Association, because we were all very supportive for each other and I could very clearly sense the atmosphere of a common strive. I would also like to take a chance to humbly pat myself on the back—I think I did a good job in leading this whole initiative and am happy that I could give something back to my local community.
If you want, both videos are available on YouTube. You can use auto-generated English subtitles if you want. They are not perfect, though. Proper English subs are in the works.
But there wasn't too much time to celebrate...
It was very clear for me from the very start, that after the Film Premiere succeeds, I'll have to take a short break from the Association and focus more on my income sources.
See, I still haven't managed to land a job. My savings are running dangerously low now and it's becoming very uneasy. And there's still nothing in particular on my horizon. The worst thing is that I don't even want yet another job. Maybe that's part of the reason I struggle to find it—it's not the route that I should take. Especially that the word that leads me this year is a calling. My calling is somewehere else, and I know it. And I should try to follow it... I wrote about that in one of my recent posts.
And amidst that a great new idea appeared. My friend reached out to me. Together with his another friend they want to start a company and needed someone along the lines of a CTO to help them with the more technological side of things. Obviously, I was immediately interested and we started talking.
The general idea is to offer a broad range of services dedicated to small- and medium-sized companies that will help them modernize their operations with the help of technology. We're talking apps for CRM, ERP, internal communications, sales, marketing. Our three spent last few weeks on intense brainstorming, analyzing and planning our strategy. We've come to a place where we've almost got all the pieces together. Now we have to create our own brand, prepare an offer that we can provide to potential clients, and actually start working—which is the part that actually excites me the most.
But it is of course hard to foresee how it will go: when we will be able to find our first clients and when the whole operation will start to bring some revenue. It might take months... Which is exactly when my savings will probably run out.
It has always been my dream and an ultimate plan to gather a lot of experience working for others, and then transition to trying to run my own thing. It seems this is exactly that moment in life. I've got a solid tech experience and am learning more and more about being a leader and manager, too. My co-founders are also great people with excellent skills in business and finances.
I would love to go all-in into this project. Moreover, I think it is somewhat necessary to go all-in for it to succeed fully. At the same time, I am afraid it's a huge risk for me personally, as I might end up in a situation where the company does not bring a stable income for me, and I've got no more savings to keep me running for just a while more.
Well, there's always two wolves inside of me. One is the rational one, while the other seems to be a reincarnation of Zorba the Greek...
No matter how these things will turn out for me, something becomes more and more apparent. Dots are slowly starting to connect.
As a person with a multitude of different interests, experiences and skills, I have always struggled to find a common denominator for all of them. It often felt like if I want to develop in one area, I have to do it at the expense of something else.
Things are starting to change, though. Finally. This is a personal goal that I have set up for myself for the nearest future (a few years, probably): finally find this common denominator and set up my life (both personal and professional) in such a way, that everything that I do actually works towards all of my other pursuits, too. To finally connect all the dots and create a strong web.
I decided to start and lead the Association in order to try myself in a role of a manager of sorts. Will I be able to lead an organization of almost 10 people, give it a vision, work with people to understand and believe in that vision, too? And then will I be able to organize everything so that we can actually accomplish goals that we have set for us? It seems that the answer is yes. And moreover, that brings me a lot of joy, too!
I decided to work closely with 
There's still a lot to iron out. But now with our new company just around the corner, it all starts to connect. We want to work with NGOs, too, and we might help
And there's barely a time where I come to
I took a risky step a year ago. I was burned out, drowning in an unhealthy relationship and environment, with no idea what I want to do with my life. I decided I will quit my job and not look for a new one. I just felt I had to change something in my life, try to grow as a person and as a professional. I didn't know how it will turn out, where it will lead me and whether it will not just be a huge failure.
But today, after more than a year from that decision, I can confidently look in the mirror and tell myself: It was the right thing to do.
It's not that I didn't mess up one thing or two, or that it's all daisies and sunshine. It's actually pretty hard at times. It have been many, many years since I last time had to worry whether I'll have money to live.
But for me, a different thing is important. Thanks to my decision I was able to improve my life in many regards. I worked on my feeling of self-worth, improved relationships with people that are close to me, I gained many new skills (especially the soft ones). And the most important thing: I can again dream about better things. I wake up in the morning and I want to strive for a better life for me and those around me, and am really thrilled for what the next day could bring.
• • •
Maybe I'd like to finish the post with some more reflections. But maybe it's not the time just yet. I treat this space more and more as a sort of a public journal, and try to be somewhat open and honest in my writing.
I believe there's still a chance to use the Internet to actually connect with other fellow human beings, and I think Hive is quite good at that. So let's meet! I hope you'll be able to pick out something relatable from this post. Maybe you're going through similar processes in your life, or had done in the past?
