Life before having my daughter was one filled with nights out, trying to find anything to fill an empty void in my life. I spent a lot of my life saying "I'm never having kids" and it wasn't until I met my now husband where that thought went out the window and I am forever grateful for him and for my change of heart.

I was 29 when I had our daughter. I didn't realize just how much growing up I had to do until I became a mother. I didn't realize just how much my panic and anxiety was over taking my life until I became a mother. Raising a tiny human and being an example of how to handle many of life's challenges brings to light how I handle them and for years I was doing it all wrong. I became a prisoner of my own mind at an early age and never had any guidance on how to calm it down so instead I resorted to partying to numb it all. I have made the conscious vow to myself that now is the time to fix it. Now is the time to practice mindfulness. Now is the time because I don't want my daughter to feel how I felt. I want her to be able to communicate her problems, I want her to be able to find her breath and feel comfortable in her own skin. I want her to be find an inner calm that I could never find.

My life before my daughter was boring. Now I take the time to stop and look at the little ladybug crawling across the floor. I stop and just admire her little imagination and it makes me smile harder then I've ever smiled before. When my house is a mess I tell myself that it's okay because it's a lived in home.

Now, of course, we have days where neither one of us can seem to get it together and those days are rough. But when I see her stop and take some deep breaths or when she comes to me and tells me to breathe or just sits next to me when my panic comes I recognize that I am doing something right. Even on the hardest days we always hug and say we love each other and that, is the most beautiful part of my days.

I had brain cancer when I was 26 and had my eggs frozen so when my husband and I started to try for a baby we were unsure if we would be able to conceive naturally but we got lucky and she came all natural. She is my greatest blessing.

When I look at my life before marriage and becoming a mom I see a young girl who was really unsure of how to handle life. I don't regret that girl, I don't pity her, I feel for her and I will make sure to do right by her. Right by her and for my daughter.

Thank you for this post, this felt really good to write.