As a leader, do you get statements like these often?
“Boss, I can’t do this because it’s impossible!”
“Boss, we cannot do it that way. It’s wrong.”
“Boss, I think I’m not smart enough for the job. Can ask someone else to do it?”
Ok, the last one could be due of laziness, which we will address later towards the end of the post.
You can say it’s negative, disempowering, or even refusing to take responsibility to some extent. The truth is, it has something to do with their beliefs, which is what we will work on today.
If the brain is a computer, the beliefs are the software that run it. Beliefs are deep-rooted in everything we see, hear, feel and think.
A few examples of beliefs are:
Recognise some of them? Do you say, or even think, some of them?
Beliefs can come from everywhere - our experiences, our environment, our family members etc. The movies we watch will determine how our outlook to life. The books we read will define our reality of things. The friends we hang out with all the time will decide what kind of future you have. Heck, even things we see on social media will affect our beliefs.
The question now is:
Are those beliefs benefiting, or limiting you?
If you dig deeper, you'll find that beliefs are actually powered by out values. Let's take a few from the list above and try to match them to some potential values.
So as you can see, even if the values may be negative, like James saying "I am too old to take a MBA", truth is, the values that powers hime, say, "work-life balance" could be a positive thing. James appreciate the time outs from his hectic work schedule, and any free time he can afford is spent with his family.
The way to uncover a person's values can sometimes be as simple as asking "Why?"
You: "So James, why do you think you're too old to take a MBA?"
James: "Come on, I'm already 48, and I'm neck up with work. I want to spend more time with Grace and the kids."
That's James' answer, and you may not be satisfied with it. But can you do anything about it?
Now, can you change a person's value?
The short answer is yes, but beware, changing a person's value will have drastic outcomes. In this case, James may not even be James anymore! Not to mention if you do it without proper permission, it's just plain manipulative.
But what if Grace (James' wife) really want James to take the MBA, to fulfil his potential, so he can be promoted and maybe work lesser? Side note: this is already mildly manipulative, because just because Grace thinks it's good, doesn't mean it's really good. You don't like people forcing/manipulating you into doing something you don't like, right?
Push come to shove, if you really want James to adopt the mindset of possibility, one that he is sure he can take on the challenge of pursuing an MBA. And using "work-life balance" as his value, this is what you can do,
You: "James, let me invite you to look at it this way. If you look at those successful executives, all of them seem to have a proper grip of their life priorities. I mean, they get to golf in another city every weekend!"
James: "Yeah, I was wondering how they manage to do all that. I mean while I won't be golfing around, but Grace and the kids sure would love a picnic in the country side or the beach every weekend!"
You: "I just find it odd that while all those execs are doing different things, but two things they all have in common is their work-life balance, and their MBAs. Perhaps it's something they pick up during their MBA that enabled them to become more effective?"
James: "Hmph, but I'm 48. Would it be too late?"
You: "Heck, most of those execs only started after 50. I think you still have a huge advantage! That's 2 years faster for you to achieve the life that you want!"
See how instead of changing someone's value, say in James case from work-life balance to ambition, you can get the person to look at their values from a different perspective? Ok, like I said, it sure looks mildly manipulative, but hey, at least you are not forcing James into doing something he didn't want; you're only getting him to see from a different perspective.
Ok, maybe you may need some practice before getting your team members to see things from another perspective. Asking the right questions, discovering their values and painting the right metaphors are crucial.
In the mean time, because I'm a nice guy, here are a few questions to get you started. And this does not require you to uncover their values, which is a separate process on it's own.
So the next time you got your staffs coming to you with those negative statements (the ones we started this post off with), ask them these:
Have there been times when that is not true?
Is there really a rule to this, or it's just something someone made up?
Have anyone done it before? Yes? How was it executed?
Is age/race/gender really an issue here, or maybe you just don’t know how to do it?
Is there someone you can talk to, whom can help you with this?
Have you tried Googling for an answer?
If you were to know, what do you think your mentors will do?
Coaching question are great to get your staff to see things in a different light, in this case, from limiting to empowering perspectives. Sometimes they just resort to their negative or limiting beliefs because they can see the way forward. And as a leader, it’s your job to help them do that.
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