Some certain things people go through or face are a result of ignorance. What else really can stop love? Lust and infatuation bring about what I call a taste of what was sweet that could kill馃槶
I found myself lost in a cave, where I could neither see nor make a choice for myself. A place where emotions locked with a cry of freedom are echoing. I was 19 years old, I knew nothing about life not to talk of relationships. To be honest, the first time I ever saw my menstruation, I was so scared and I thought it was bleeding. I screamed so loud that even attracted my neighbour's attention. That same night I received a new level of bearing and a warning rather than advice from my father. The thought of how I could have been so bold enough to bring EMEKA to the house when I already know home is like a war zone just like how my father describes SUDAN 馃嚫馃嚫 as a death zone馃槂. The next day I woke up with a slim thought of Emeka in my mind. You dare not go against my father's wish. Even though at intervals, the thought kept coming while the fear in me was kicking it back to its place.
The day was over quicker than I could think, as I walked home so tired, I suddenly got the feel of a tender hand. On looking back behold it was Emeka and I got so angry that I was furious to ask him how did he get to know my house, which meant he was tailing me. Hmm
To be candid some young guys would have turned back immediately, but not Emeka, Emeka knelt and told me a tale that up till date won me over to his bed. He said he could not sleep nor breathe for something about me kept him unrest. And that assured him of the fact that I was going to be his wife and no matter what, he would not stop tailing her or following her, knowing the consequences he concluded by saying every good thing like me, there's a price to be paid and that he's ready to pay the price for my said and even that means death.
I didn't even know what came over me, I was completely won over. I fell in love with Emeka, his courage captured my heart, and his words touched me like never before. Before any word was spoken, I was already on his lap on his bed at his one-room apartment..... That night nothing happened between us, just a few kisses 馃槝 and some romance, something very wrong at my age which is not supposed to be done at that age, Emeka later knew that same night that I was still a virgin 馃.
I got home that night late though the lie to tell my father was not farfetched, I told him that he worked late and he accepted it. Throughout the week, the work was late for I kept visiting Emeka, and the second day I visited, it was beyond romance and kiss. We had sex, I broke my virginity for the love of him. Though I never knew the consequences that were to come. He was too quick and anxious to get into me and he didn't use a condom to protect me. That first day and night, it was as if I was dead already. There was a lot of blood and pain and it took me time to go home that night my mother almost caught me while I was in the bathroom, but somehow I escaped any suspicious. Emeka became my lover, the first guy I ever felt love and affection for. Emeka got me my first phone and also enrolled me in the university through a pre-university enrollment. Emeka sings his plans into my heart whenever we are together. I was driven mad by this young man he was everything to me.
My dress suddenly changed, I started wearing jeans trousers, new clothes, and good food. And I started taking my bath like three times a day. Emeka was a student and he was from a rich home. He spoilt me with cosmetics and many other things that interest a woman. He even bought me a perfume that smells everywhere. My father never asked me anything nor did my mom say anything to me, they only watch the changes as they unfold.
I quit working and started staying at my friend's place anytime I was not at Emeka's place or school. Most time I spent my whole day with Emeka. At first my father the story I told him, but soon, my Father sent a junior soldier to tail my movement. I never knew that being foolishly in love, when one isn't sure what he/she is involved in can bring more havoc than joy. That same night and week, my father questioned me about the job which I quit, where I go and Emeka, that same night my mother found out I was pregnant. This indeed goes in line with the popular Igbo idiom that" indeed the smell that kills a young puppy will never allow him to notice the poison or what will kill him"
The drum beat changed and of course, the dance step automatically changed Emeka denied being immediately summoned and he denied even knowing anything about the pregnancy. My father arrested him and took him to a captain who is in charge of discipline in the barracks. Emeka's parents were invited and it was an issue under which both parties had to talk about to know a way to resolve this issue.
Hot tears came rushing out of my eyes as Emeka denied the pregnancy in the presence of both parents. It was like the strike of thunder that came like three times causing a great shock in my heart. He claimed and tell everyone that I'm a slut and he knew that I was sleeping with men all around, and when he noticed that I'm a cheat, that was when he stopped loving me, and countless times he has tried to tell me that it's over but I won't stop coming after him.
The commander, after hearing the tales from both sides, the commander said the child should be born to prove who was right or wrong.
As we walked back house, suddenly my mind was made up to go through the shame and bear all the pains that were to follow. But what I was not prepared to accept or face was the shame that was to be given to her by my own family.
That night was worse than hell, I got the beating of the century, I got thrown out of the house naked, and was given all the bad names in this world
As I slept outside in the cold, with a baby that was just getting formed inside of me, I could not believe the words of my handsome boyfriend could be terminated by the arrival of a baby courtesy of a pleasure we both enjoyed.
I cried my eyes out until years refused to come out, no one bothered to ask or help me when I was thrown out of the house for I was tagged a disgrace, which indeed I was. But all the same, at a point I made up my mind. I broke my virginity because I love him, so I knew I would suffer the shame because I love him and I will carry the baby for the necessary months before delivery to prove my point that Emeka is responsible and for the sake of the poor child inside my womb, I will never abort the baby.
When one becomes a victim of either pain or sorrow, the person takes it as one of those things fate brings forth. But when one is the cost of his/her pain or sorrow that face him or her, it's a cross he or she must bear and carry with full responsibility.
To be continued...
All images used here are mine except stated otherwise
