I can tell you for free that it's not easy to forgive. Yes, if you've ever experienced a certain level of betrayal or hurt, you will very well understand what I'm trying to say. Most times when I hear people talk or am at a gathering and someone talk about a hurt and some people just take it casually and say... "Forgive naw, haba." and the likes, I do feel somehow. It makes me wonder if they really know anything about forgiveness or what it actually means to forgive.
When you forgive someone, you're not pretending, you're no acting like they didn't wrong you. No, because forgiveness is not forgetfulness. How can I forget a hurt done. But then, when I forgive it means I'm just choosing my peace over every other thing. It means I don't want their actions to turn me into a bitter person, but a better person, it means I'm choosing to not allow their actions control me.
I've been hurt a countless times, especially those I trusted so much and been those I gave benefit of doubt and decided to give them a second chance... They still went ahead to either betray me or backstab me. Something happened about a year ago, I'm sorry I won't be going into detail because it's something I really struggled with before I could finally let go. In short, this guy did something I never expected. I was shocked and at the same time heartbroken, shocked that it was him and heartbroken because I never expected that secret to go beyond the two of us. I was managing myself well already why publicize me. I can't stop asking myself unanswerable questions and I can tell you in all honesty that it hit me. It made me even decide to let go of every friend I had back then.
I told him I can't forgive him for what he did. I didn't deserve it, I didn't. But then, I began to lose my peace and got distant form every single person... I was even getting distant from my own self. This guy on the other hand seems to care less, I was the only one carrying the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, and the burden. So, on the long run, after persuasion from people who admired our friendship and after some discussions with my own self, I decided it's best to forgive.
I didn't forgive him because what happened was little or that it was something that could be overlooked, no. I forgave I'm because of myself, because of my own peace. However, the fact that I forgave him doesn't mean things would go back to the way it was before, nah. I can't possibly trust him with anything huge or deep again. I reduced my closeness, set boundaries and became very very careful, not just of.him, but including others that are starting to get close.
I've seen and heard of real life stories of hurt done, I'm talking of very very deep and worse betrayals. I heard one sometimes last month and how the person eventually forgave a family member who betrayed him. I was just dumbfounded, I felt it all of this is really true then I doubt if I can forgive. I'm not saying we shouldn't forgive, I'm just saying when you hear certain stories you will definitely question your forgiving spirit/heart.
And about if everyone is worthy of forgiveness, I will say yes to that. Reason being that this issue of forgiveness we are talking about has more to do about the wounded or betrayed party that for the offender or betrayal. When you hold on to pain, you're giving room for unrest, and chaos in your own mind. And like I said earlier, forgiveness isn't forgetfulness, not at all, but is necessary that we forgive because the longer we hold on to pain then heavier it becomes for us.
Forgiveness is necessary because it free is from becoming prisoners of our pains. Forgiveness helps us think clearly, it aids our growth, and give us the peace we so much desire. Forgiveness isn't easy,but it is definitely worth our peace.
So, please chose to forgive.
馃尮
Images are mine.
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