Huhm, so deep....If I found out my partner could read minds and never told me, even trust itself is delicate, now discovering that the only person I am vulnerable with and trusted had access to my inner thoughts, my unspoken words and all without telling me, to me, that's betrayal. That kind of person can do and undo.
Its not funny, sincerely, so all those times I struggled to find the right words, all those times I chose to stay silent or even those times I chose to lie just to protect her feelings, she did knew. All those times I act fine whereas I was crumbling inside, she heard it all. All those secrets I had buried, all those times I thought if she was truly the one, all those times I planned my future in my head, she already did know, meaning she even knew the conversation am about to start, smiles....its betrayal at its peak. Its not just about being able to read my mind, but with the way she has choose to remain silent, so all those times she acted ignorant, misunderstanding my words and all, it was a lie.
Would I have dated her if I knew from the beginning? I doubt if I will. Not just because mind-reading is creapy, but because I need my mind to be mine, my safe space, a place where I can sort myself without feeling watched. So, knowing that my partner could hear every raw, unfiltered and unspoken thought would鈥檝e left me insecure.
Also, am thinking what if she could use that gift to love me better, to understand my silence, to hold me tighter on days I couldn鈥檛 speak, to never misunderstand me when words failed, to understand my plight, to see how heavy my heart is, with that, maybe, just maybe I would have love and dated her. Knowing she still chooses to stay with me despite knowing all my flaws, my vulnerabilities, I think that would have been the best type of love, we all claim to want true love and that's it, the type that really sees us, that understands and still loved us. It won't be easy living as an open book though, even with you knowing who's reading.
If I got to know after a long time, probably after years of being together, it will hurt me, lobe should be fair, then she actually still chooses me because she could read my mind and saw that its pure towards her, cause if it were not, she would have left or done hurtful things. Its more like we are on a journey, one partner has a torch while the other is blind. How would the journey be like.
This topic had left me thinking for hours, how I wish I could comprehend my thought with words, its deep, I have thought of those times I lay beside my lover and thought things I couldn鈥檛 say, different things, how I have thought of doing something illegal and still corrected and subdue the thought, she would have laughed then, those times I thought I could act I was fine and deep down I am not.
If indeed my partner heard it all and still chose to stay, then maybe its not betrayal, maybe she just chooses to understand. But it will be very much better to know, even in love, no matter the connection, trust and all we deserve the right to keep some corners of our minds just for ourselves.
All pictures are mine
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