I feel my new dress shrink against me, and almost immediately get upset.
I’m getting fat again.
I’m still not “fat” fat, but I’m fatter than my previously skinny self.
My self-esteem takes a plunge, and within seconds anxiety and gloom hit me too. I don't feel like eating anything anymore, I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I just wish I could curl up in a corner.
I really shouldn't have downed all that food yesterday.
And what about that extra helping of biryani that my dumb self thought would be okay?
I try to remember, try to calculate anything I could've done that has lead me to this.
I promise myself to start working out, to put myself through insane diets, and do whatever it takes until I fit into the perfect mold that the Society has been kind enough to make for me.
The best part? It did so without me even asking for it!
Now to return that favor, I pledged from a very young age that going forward, I would manipulate each feature of mine, each fabric of my being, until I attain that.
I owe the Society at least that much.
And to whoever tells me that Society is supposed to rise above all this, that there should ideally be no correlation between how we look and what we are capable of by focusing on being Good People instead.. I cannot help but pity them.
I mean, why would you even think that only what I think about myself is important?
That my self-esteem is important?
That my health is important?
The audacity!
I’m just glad to have been bestowed with this special understanding, this special compassion for the Society that is ‘only trying to help us.’ After all, all this extra knowledge and these tips are going to come in handy the next time I participate in a pageant.
I feel lucky for all of this, I wish everyone else could experience this, too.
Oh wait..
Everyone already does! Because in all its magnanimity, society spares no one.
Source : my blog at mariamsafoora.wordpress.com
