When I was a kid, the old term "keeping up with the Joneses" (or at least the Danish variation of it) was flashed about quite often.
I guess my parents were somewhat status conscious, and spent a lot of time comparing themselves to the surrounding community often in service of — or so it seemed — making sure we were the best; that we were seen as "special."
I was never quite sure what "the best" actually meant, nor what exactly it was about us that potentially could make us the best. And I really didn't care. In fact, it bothered me because I had to face the fallout at school... not cool, in egalitarian Denmark. I was maybe eight or nine the time.
Several decades later, I found myself at a week-long spiritual retreat and one of the quotes I saw posted somewhere read "comparisons are deadly, your life is YOUR life." That particular quote has always stuck with me because it seemed to make so much sense to me.
Maybe I'm cynical or maybe I'm filtering through my own particular cognitive biases but it seems like an awful lot of people cause themselves difficulties — and even destroy their lives — all in service of comparing themselves to others and what others have.
From where I'm sitting, that just strikes me as a horrible trap because you're ultimately comparing yourself to something that you may not even have ascertained whether you want. I mean, how authentic is it to want something just because other people want it? My question to you is do YOU want it?
I think it's kind of harmful to compare yourself too much because invariably you're going to be able to find somebody who has more, or is better off than you are and then you're going to feel angry or just feel bad about yourself because you perceive that you're "falling short" of some standard that wasn't even set by yourself!
I do recognize that for many people it is simply part of their nature that they want to rank themselves in comparison to everybody around them. "Am I stronger than, richer than, smarter than, or whatever than other people" gives them a sort of meaning and a sense of place in the world.
I suppose there's nothing really inherently wrong with that I just haven't ever found it to be a very good metric for me, because I mostly don't care (as I said), and I have watched an awful lot of people destroy themselves and any chance of finding life contentment in pursuit of trying to reach something that they were really not capable of reaching.
Of course, there are also lots of people who strive to get something, and when they finally get it, they discover that it wasn't all that they wanted and they're going to now strive for something even bigger and ostensibly better... it is a never-ending quest
Try as I might, I just can't get myself to care about it!
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2026.10.15 01:27 PDT
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