21 days without alcohol- I did it!
Months ago I wouldn't have thought it was possible. It took time and weaning down. I failed over and over again and I am sure I still will, but I am proud with how far I have come.
Once I tried alcohol, I found myself hooked from the relief it provided my mind. It started out as social drinking but it began increasing and I wanted to do it alone more than I wanted to around others. I'd began stashing away beers when friends came over to have later since I was 20 at the time (nearly 23 now). I was trying to recover from a horrible break-up and it seemed to be the solution- and the only thing that ever made me feel free of my anxiety for once in my life. As expected it began causing more problems than it solved. Fun nights turned into regretful and lost ones and I would spend days throwing up in bed. Alcohol endangered my state of mind and caused me to do things I wouldn't have impulsively done while sober. I found myself in the ER one night, and a few months later, due to a worsened mental state no thanks to it, hospitalized in a psychiatric unit.
Over time a few beers turned into a few beers and some vodka. Or whiskey, or rum, it really didn't matter to me.
Then into several beers, more vodka. Then a pint of vodka, maybe more. I'd be drinking two pints of vodka a week and who knows how much beer in between, I just know I was throwing up and was hungover more than I wasn't. The hangovers weren't your average hangovers, they were full-blown alcohol withdrawal hangovers. What turned into alcoholism paired with binge eating disorder, I gained a total of 70lbs. So far I am 20lbs down since!
I find myself very grateful to say the alcoholism has eased up on its own. Not entirely, but enough I am able to manage it for the most part. When I do drink I still have trouble with control, and usually end up drinking myself sick- like I did 3 weeks ago on a pint of whiskey without anything in my stomach. So while it will always be something I struggle with, I am happy that I have gained more control over this, and that I have come as far as I have. I believe the worst is over. I hope anyone else out there struggling with alcoholism or addiction finds something that works for them and finds a way to recovery. It's important to remember that small steps do matter, and it is okay to fail over and over again, you just can't let yourself give up.
