Dealing With Uncertainty And Preparing For A Change

It's been a long break, again. This autumn has just been a bit too busy for me. It's taken its toll, I feel rather exhausted. But I'm not here to complain. I know this is just temporary, I'm preparing for something new and I feel grateful that my health and energy have returned. Some years ago it wouldn't have been possible for me to push myself as I do now. My body feels strong again.

I think what actually consumes the most energy in my current situation is all the uncertainty I'm dealing with. I only know week by week if I have work and since I really need the money that's rather stressful. And as I wrote in my previous post, I have decided to leave Stockholm but I don't know where to go. I find it difficult to make plans for moving abroad in the current covid-19 situation. But hopefully, this will be easier in a couple of months.

But when you think about it, what's really certain in life? Except that, you'll die one day? I'm really doing my best to embrace the uncertainty and it also inspires me to go after my goals even more. Because I feel time, and my life, passes by so fast. There's simply no time anymore to just sit around and hope for some kind of miracle that will transform my life. And as we all know, happiness is an inside job. And it requires taking action, at least for me.

Anyway, I have started the selling process. I had a realtor here earlier this week and even though this is actually the third flat I'll be selling in Stockholm, it was a bit of a shock to meet with her. I wasn't aware so much had changed in seven years (when I last sold a flat). Basically, she really recommended me to hire someone who furnishes and decorates my flat, I just need to get rid of all my stuff in the meantime. She said this is standard now in Stockholm. And even if I do, I won't be able to get the price I was hoping for. At least she didn't want to give me any false hopes. I know I haven't really done anything to increase the value since I bought it and I know everything isn't top-notch here anymore. But still, it's a nice flat. After the meeting, I felt overwhelmed, disappointed, and frankly quite sad. It's going to require quite some work to sell this flat and to have it ready for the market. And I was feeling overwhelmed already! One more thing that requires time and energy.

Actually, I wasn't planning on meeting with a realtor until after New Year's because I knew it would throw me into this crazy real estate market. But I more or less panicked two weeks ago and felt that I really wanted to get away from this place as soon as possible. So I contacted her and now I feel good about knowing what needs to be done, but it's taken the whole week to process.

And I have a plan. I'll actually not hire someone to furnish and decorate my flat. I know I can do this myself, it just takes more time of course. The realtor also said that she will support me 100 percent if I decide to do it myself and will assist me in this process. I'll need to buy some furniture, paint my bedroom and renovate the kitchen a bit. I have to admit though, it feels like a challenge to spend so much time, energy (and money) on a place I want to leave. Because the more I decorate this place, the more I'll like it here of course. And if I were to stay here more long-term, I would definitely buy new stuff. I have changed a lot since I bought the things I have here and most of them are rather old and also, have a different energy than the energy I'm in now. But I still prefer to do it this way than to completely wipe out everything here and have it replaced by some standard 'trendy' interior. I spend a lot of time here since I work from home and coach from home. It has to work for me to live here during the selling process. So maybe I'll be ready to put my flat on the market in late January.

Sometimes it feels like I have no idea what I'm doing. That maybe I could like it here. That it's actually an easy choice to leave again and that it might be a better idea to stay and make it work. But deep down I feel it so strongly. I wasn't put on this earth to live like this. And not in this country. I don't know if anyone recognizes this feeling about their home country. But I have always felt more at ease and have been enjoying myself way more when I'm not in Sweden. This is simply not the right place for me. And I don't care what I have to do to find the purpose or the life I so long for. The only thing I know is that I'm prepared for everything it takes because I'll not settle for something mediocre. I can feel my full potential inside of me and when I tap into this energy I know this is the right choice. Even if I have no plan at the moment. But I guess a big part of me actually wants to live like a vagabond. It's this freedom I so long for. And right now I feel trapped here. But of course, I'm not trapped because I don't have to stay and it's my responsibility to do something about it. And I'll.

Thanks for reading 🙏

Love and blessings to you all 💚