I had a weird dream last night. In it, I was looking in the mirror, squeezing a big worm out of my neck. When it came out, it landed on the bathroom sink. Studying the creature, I expected to see movement, but found it utterly lifeless.
In the context of some challenging inner work I've been doing lately, this dream made perfect sense. Part of this work has involved locating gross influences from the past and expelling them from my system. That's what I've been doing consciously. This dream suggests that my unconscious is also engaged in the effort.
Did I wake up feeling awesome after ridding myself of that worm? Not at all. Instead, I woke up feeling totally wrecked, displaying all of the symptoms of a serious emotional hangover. I've felt disgusting all day. Completing my paying work took twice as long as usual. Strange to think that I once drank alcohol and considered horrible hangovers normal.
The last time I recall feeling this way was years ago, when I first started working my news job, summarizing reports about corruption. It took me a long time to develop the psychological and emotional fortitude necessary to deal effectively with material ranging from war crimes to sexual abuse scandals. Eventually, I learned to depersonalize and compartmentalize the job. But it wasn't easy.
Another recent dream involved a snake biting my neck and me biting the snake's tail in turn. The virtual ouroboros in that dream was hard to interpret, but last night's dream of expelling the worm seems more clear. Obvious, even.
Although I feel bad today, this inner work I'm involved with feels important. It has mostly been slow going for months. Then, a few weeks ago, its pace suddenly quickened. The whole point of this work is to come out on the other side being unbothered by things that have long bothered me. It's a simple enough objective, but is it attainable?
(Feature image from Pixabay.)
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