The above image was made with stable diffusion using the prompt 'abstract thin lines curving grid black and white.'
I blog a lot about societal problems and the terrible things that people do. Here I'd like to shake things up a little. Yesterday I ran into an unfamiliar situation. I was working and chatting with my girlfriend and just generally going on about my business when I became overwhelmed by a feeling that stopped me in my tracks.
At first, I couldn't place this feeling. It took me fifteen minutes to realize what was going on. Eventually it dawned on me that what I was feeling was gratitude, strong enough to force me to pause everything for a bit. So I paused and paid attention.
What came up was gratitude for the love in my life. Love for my special lady. Love for the work I get to do. Love for family and friends. These things are real blessings.
As I'm receiving these blessings, my life's longstanding medical and financial challenges persist. The world continues to be shepherded deeper and deeper into dystopia by fools and tyrants. My gross roommate who smells like hot dogs and lotion keeps shouting into his phone or watching tv at top volume and knocking on my door to bum smokes. Sometimes these situations become acutely problematic, but I'd like to think I'm getting better at not letting them get to me.
At the same time, I'm feeling as good about my job as I've ever felt. For the first time in five years, I've agreed to take on projects beyond the scope of my regular duties. The last time I did a big extra project for this organization, I made something awesome and learned a lot, but my boss minimized my contributions and told the board he didn't see the point of my work. Now he's stepping back into an advisory role and the new boss is inviting me to take more on, so that's what I'm doing.
When I did that project five years ago, I worked like a maniac and had high expectations about how it would be received. My disappointment with my boss' lame response ended up souring the whole experience. Now, aware that my work is likely to be treated poorly by old boss no matter how awesome it turns out to be, I'm determined to only do tasks that I enjoy, and to stay relaxed about the whole thing.
So I'm in a good place, and I'm grateful for the lessons I had to learn to get here. Many of these lessons weren't pleasant, but I'm not sure how else I would have learned them. I still stress out too much, but far less than I used to. And gratitude turns out to be great for stress reduction.
For now, my girlfriend is arriving from faraway within the hour. Winter has officially ended here in Minneapolis and it's finally nice outside. My doctor pronounced me healthy after my last physical. Work feels as good as it ever has. And I'm grateful for it all.
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