The above image was made by with stable diffusion using the prompt 'oil painting tiny gray alien.'
Studying the highway in front of him, Joseph wondered if he was losing his mind. If he was, imagining a tiny gray alien who prized creativity was a funny way to do it. He glanced at Lee then looked away, hoping each time that the ET would vanish.
"I assure you I'm quite real," said Lee after a few minutes. "And your mental state appears stable."
Joseph chuckled. "Oh yeah?" he asked. "But what if you're just some kind of gremlin from my unconscious? Maybe I'm feeling guilty about not playing enough music these days so I conjured up a creativity demon to get me playing again."
"It this truly what you believe is happening?" asked Lee.
"Well, no," admitted Joseph. "I've never seen secret agents clear out a campground before so something obviously happened. And you seem as real as anything. But the fact of you! The implications of what you've told me already! I guess I'm having a hard time processing it all."
"Most people in your position ask why they were chosen," said Lee. "Is this unimportant to you?"
"No, I want to know," said Joseph. "I want to know everything."
"You were chosen for three primary reasons," said Lee. "First, you are part of a family line that has demonstrated high tolerance for encounters with my kind and your personality is high in openness. Second, you live independently with no offspring and your mate is likely to help with the mission. Third, you own over 24,000 vinyl records, which I'd like to access. Your blues collection is of particular interest to me. There are other reasons, but these were deciding factors."
"So my grandpa wasn't lying about his sighting?" asked Joseph.
"He saw a craft and experienced telepathic contact," said Lee. "We suggested that he start planting trees and collecting records. I'm eager to explore the collection he started."
"So you want to hang out listening to music and you're pretty sure my girlfriend will be cool with it?" asked Joseph. "I've got to go back to work day after tomorrow. What exactly do you think should happen when we get home?"
"That depends on you," said Lee. "If you wish to go on about your life as if nothing unusual is happening, I can work quietly, in secret, requiring minimal effort on your part."
"Okay, what's the second option?" asked Joseph.
"To use the current slang, we go big," said Lee. "I was thinking an internet show where both of us talk to people. We could at first imply that my alien appearance is the result of new AI."
"You came to Earth to listen to records and do a podcast?" asked Joseph, laughing. "I mean, I guess that could work. But what about the men in black. Won't they just shut it down, turn you into a lab rat, and torture me at some black site in Morocco? The crew that showed up at the campground was definitely not messing around."
"The ones you speak of are a threat," said Lee. "There are many groups that threaten my mission. Some work for the government, some for private companies. These groups are all alike in that they operate in secret. They can't act in any way that would risk their exposure. And if they did move against me, I'm prepared to defend myself or to vacate this body in the event of capture."
"That's cool," said Joseph. "I'm not prepared to defend myself against threatening secret agents. If they come for me I'm telling them everything."
"Do not fear," said Lee. "I will provide you with the resources you need to help me with my mission. And I'm continually monitoring psychic activity for approaching threats."
"Wait, are you listening to my thoughts?" asked Joseph.
"Not listening, exactly," said Lee. "More like seeing the patterns of associations and distinctions underneath the thoughts."
"That's crazy," said Joseph, considering the matter. "Okay, say we had a podcast, when a guest came on could you read their thoughts?"
"I could know their minds, yes," said Lee. "Are you seeing that our internet show could be a success?"
"Okay," said Joseph. "But I do have a life. And Jenny is probably going to want to sew little outfits for you. So you know what to expect. Also, what kind of resources are you talking about? You got a credit card in your little flight suit?"
"For emergencies, I have access to funds in your electronic systems," said Lee. "My primary source of mission funding will come from performing for an OnlyFans audience. Have you heard of this service?"
Joseph burst into laughter. "You're going to do alien sex shows?" he asked. "I have questions."
"Some of the bodies my kind makes to visit your world are sexless," said Lee. "And some of them are much more human. When I constructed this body, I included sex organs modeled after the human female. My research suggested that exhibiting these would greatly increase my popularity."
"But you're only a foot tall!" objected Joseph. "No one wants to watch a baby do stuff like that."
"A baby human, perhaps, but what about a baby alien?" asked Lee.
"Oh my god you're right," said Joseph after thinking about it for a minute. "That shit's sick. It's going to go viral. Guess that answers my question about how we're going to get people to tune into the podcast."
"I'm pleased that you see the idea's merit," said Lee. "My people support my mission, but they doubt it can succeed. With your help, I hope to surprise them."
"If you're giving me a percentage of your OnlyFans I'm in," said Joseph. "So what's your endgame here? Can you sum it up?"
"I have several objectives," said Lee. "To seek out certain rare records in your collection. To inspire creativity. To establish my ET presence on your world as fact. And if all goes well, to spark a rebellion against the blanding by becoming a symbol that your people can rally around."
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