The masked portrait above was painted in oil on Arches paper a few years ago. In a roundabout way it reminds me of this moment in time.
For the last few weeks, it's felt like I've been right on the verge of getting a cluster headache. I've twice managed to abort a headache attack by huffing pure oxygen from my tank. Beyond the oxygen, I'm doing everything I can to keep the headaches at bay. This has worked so far, but it feels like it's only a matter of time until my torturous condition comes fully out of remission.
Lots of things feel that way these days. Like major problems are building on the horizon and efforts to avert disaster will ultimately prove futile. If I eat the wrong thing or don't get good sleep, cluster headaches will likely follow. But even if I do everything right, the headaches may descend upon me anyway.
A parallel situation exists with a work contract I've had since 2014. My boss is retiring and decided that his buddy should take over the operation. I'm supposed to be training this buddy in during June and July, after which point he is to become my new boss. It's not going well so far.
Setting aside the fact that, after 7 years, I would be the obvious replacement for my boss when he retires, buddy proved himself unqualified right out of the gate. He couldn't work with the html files on which our entire operation is based. He spent the first week sending me useless pdf and word documents instead of html files. Now, two weeks in, it seems like he's starting to grasp that we use html files, but he has yet to demonstrate an understanding of correct link formatting.
Chances are that his basic html competency will develop eventually. This doesn't really concern me. But some of buddy's behaviors suggest deeper problems. He spends a remarkable amount of time complaining, arguing, and making excuses. During our last phone meeting, he said "I need a drink" three separate times.
I have a high tolerance for stuff like that, however unprofessional it may be. But buddy is also a disorganized communicator, sending email after email, replying to standard work email threads with complaints and off-topic questions. This drives me nuts. And picturing buddy doing the same thing once he's put in charge of the organization totally makes me cringe.
More cringeworthy is the fact that buddy has already argued against including articles in our newsletter that were completely in line with our brand. One was on Black Wall Street and one was a piece critical of the right wing Sinclair Broadcast Group. On another of our stories, buddy argued against including a sentence that referenced the Capitol Riot in a negative light. Three things like that in the span of two weeks suggests a troubling pattern. Each thing alone can be individually rationalized. All three together indicate that the guy scheduled to be my new boss may have a vaguely racist right wing bias.
When I brought the issue up with buddy he admitted to an anti-left bias but said he couldn't be racist because he's lived in Black neighborhoods for ten years. I very much doubt buddy understood how that sounded to me. It sounded like the kind of thing an older person who has been exposed to too much alt-right propaganda would say, which was concerning because we cover news about the civil rights movement.
This whole work situation feels like a slow moving train wreck. I'm doing my best but have zero real input into what's happening. My boss seems determined to hand buddy the reins despite all of the red flags. The board to which my boss is beholden may not care if buddy wants to turn the operation from an apolitical news service into yet another outlet for conservative propaganda. Even if I do everything right, the end result seems likely to consist of working for a new boss who complains, argues, and advances disagreeable politics. Which is basically the workplace equivalent of a cluster headache.
Fortunately, I recognize the limits of my power in this circumstance. Buddy will either improve or will fail to improve. He might even read this, become offended, and get me fired. Whatever. I love my job and depend on it for financial security but everything changes. And things are great with my other work contracts. There's even been some progress on the public safety app idea I've shepherding with 
Overall, today feels a bit like the painting above. The character hides behind a flimsy mask that conceals very little. The main event is obvious regardless of the mask. The future cannot be hidden with a stage prop. At least it looks pretty.
