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Joseph was furious on the ride home. Ed Beeter, the police chief, had let Bob Jr. off with a warning. Apparently, menacing people with a gun wasn't a serious crime if your dad was Big Bob Battelle. While Joseph complained about this on the way home, Lee busied herself with a phone, then threw the phone out the window.
"What the hell?" asked Joseph.
"That was Bob Jr.'s phone," explained Lee. "I took it, used it to commit many crimes, and left it on an uninhabited roadside. Also, I have taken control of Bob Jr.'s social media accounts. I've already shared the bystander video of his assault with his followers."
"Wait, seriously?" said Joseph.
"I need the public to know that attacks on me will not be tolerated," said Lee. "Bob Jr. isn't the only one willing to take me by force. He was just the first person to try."
Joseph nodded. "Makes sense," he said. "Are you telling me I need to buy extra security?"
"The security system in your record barn is sufficient for now," said Lee.
Back home, as they parked, Jenny ran out of the house waving her arms nervously. "You guys, we're freaking out!" she said as they exited the vehicle. "I have eighteen thousand new Instagram followers! Renee has way more. Oh my god. This is all real and you're really a space alien!"
"Hi honey," said Joseph. "You won't believe what just happened. Bob Jr. stuck a gun in my face and tried to take Lee. So Lee beat the guy up and then Ed let him off with a warning."
"Joseph!" said Jenny. "Is the government going to come and quarantine us or something? Is a spaceship going to come and hover over our house? What's going to happen?"
"My next step is going to the media," said Lee. "I plan to become very visible. You may become visible too or stay in the background. Remember, it is easier to emerge from the background than it is to return to it."
Inside, Renee looked up from her phone. "Hey Lee," she asked. "Were humans created by aliens or did we evolve naturally?"
"You evolved naturally though other intelligences have influenced culture during certain periods," said Lee.
"Are you going to colonize?" asked Renee.
"Several species including mine have already colonized to a limited extent in human forms," said Lee. "To my kind, you are most inspiring. The things you come up with are delightful."
"But, like, you could wipe out our whole species if you wanted to, right?" asked Renee.
"My kind would never want that," said Lee. "We want to see you celebrating life."
"But what about the alien human hybrid programs?" asked Renee.
"My kind would have no use for such a program," said Lee. "We are beings of light capable of engineering any physical form we desire."
"Woah, nice move with that guy's gun," said Eliot, looking up from his phone. "Wait, that must've just happened."
"Guess the video is out," said Joseph.
"When the media begins calling, I'll accept any convenient televised interview for the next three days," said Lee.
"I should change if I'm going to be on tv," said Jenny.
Five minutes later, a regional tv station called Joseph asking for an interview with Lee. After that, Joseph's phone kept ringing. Interview requests. Talk show appearances. He eventually just gave the phone to Lee.
Lee's first interview happened on the front porch an hour later. A reporter from a nearby tv station named Marla Mars asked a series of boring introductory questions. Eventually, Mars clapped her hands together. "I just ... I can't do this," she said. "Sorry, it's just too weird. I mean what are you even, really? An alien? A robot? A robot from outer space? Seriously, what's really going on here?"
"Ahh, your questions are improving," said Lee. "I am an alien in a body specially constructed for my mission. So my body could perhaps be considered robotic, but only in the loosest of terms. Many of your kind seem determined to consider me a robot, and I've decided not to argue with this characterization."
"Did you come here in a spaceship?" asked Mars.
"For part of the way, yes," said Lee. "But it is hidden away and will not be shown to your kind."
"What, like, because of the Prime Directive?" asked Mars. "Is that real?"
"Star Trek is not real," said Lee. "There is no Prime Directive. But some of my technology is unimaginable to your scientists. They are very far from being able to manipulate spacetime safely."
"So Star Trek's fake but spacetime manipulation is real?" asked Mars.
"Yes," said Lee. "But my mission is not to advance your technology."
"What is your mission?" asked Mars.
"To inspire the people of Earth," said Lee. "Beginning with the people of this country. To inspire and to free some of you from the constraints imposed on your creativity by the blanding."
"The blanding?" asked Mars.
"In recent years, your culture has become dangerously bland," said Lee. "Bland. Boring. Uninspired. In art. In music. It's as if true creativity is being engineered out of your society."
"So you're going to what?" asked Mars.
"My plan is to perform on my OnlyFans channel and make unannounced public appearances in places where people are celebrating creativity," said Lee. "So if you're watching this, do something impressive and I may pay you a visit."
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