The above image was made with stable diffusion using the prompt 'connect the dots colorful.'
Last night, I dreamed that I told my late grandfather something he found impressive. What I told him wasn't impressive, nor did it make sense. I don't recall him ever being impressed with me when he was alive. We got along okay but he always disapproved of me and everything I stood for. Now, in my dreams, a few years after his passing, he's apparently impressed.
My grandma Anne, whose graveside memorial I just attended, seemed to hold me in higher regard. She was always interested in what I was up to. She praised my art and writing even before it was any good. There was plenty we disagreed about, but instead of arguing, we humored each other. Or just talked about the weather like everyone else in Minnesota.
I'm not sure why my unconscious felt the need to show me an impressed grandpa at this time. And the fact that there was nothing to be impressed with is vaguely worrisome. There's a new project I've been working on lately and so far it feels distinctly unimpressive. Meanwhile, progress in other areas has slowed to a crawl. This is a temporary state, and something impressive might eventually emerge. But that'll take time.
The new project is a collection of long form articles on society and technology. The idea is to use hundreds of blog posts as raw material for a small number of pieces that connect the dots. Once I get into it, it'll be a ton of work, but the kind of work I like doing. The part I'm stuck on now is the intro. To be honest, I'm bored with it.
Underneath the boredom, I'm still unsure about what tone to set. First there's the question of how human to make it. Then there's the issue of how controversial it should be. I'm thinking moderately human and somewhat controversial. But considering the material I'm starting with, very controversial might be more realistic.
What's the right tone for talking about mind control, or pedophile networks? Should anarchism play a central role in the conversation, or a peripheral one? If I start the first article with the mass extinction event now underway, will people be too bummed out to keep reading? These are all questions I can't answer just yet.
Part of me feels like I should stop worrying about it and go back to my fiction. And maybe I should. But for some reason, this project feels important. Like it's something I need to do.
If I'm not impressing myself, at least I'm impressing ancestors in dreams. Maybe this will add a crucial droplet of motivation to my process, turning it from a grind into something more fluid. Regardless, I'll keep at it. And if it doesn't work out, there's always more fiction to write.
Read my novels:
See my NFTs:
