I was introduced to a woman who was said to be loaning her parcel of land. She was late when we were supposed to meet early morning so the agents took me to a fastfood restaurant for breakfast while waiting. The two agents sat on one side of the table. Right across me on the right was the agent I personally know. To the left was the other agent who my agent was working with. I was alone on the other side of the table.
The loanee sat beside me when she arrived. The agent on the left side offered to buy her a breakfast but she declined. She said she already had breakfast. So now she has to wait for us to finish our meals. We chatted while eating. To start talking about business, I asked the woman why she was loaning her property. I could not help smiling with her answer.
"To buy a man." She was smiling.
"Oh, yeah. Is there a market for men? Where can we buy one?" I asked again, going with the flow of her joke.
"I am hoping to find one somewhere," she answered.
I looked at the two agents. They seemed to have had their own conversation as they were looking at me as if asking "what was that?"
"She said she will use her loan to buy a man," I answered their questioning looks. The both laughed.
I relayed a story about a former colleague who was already of age and still single. She had this joke of asking back any referral of where to buy a man everytime she was being teased and the teasers would stop. I also commented about many people who think staying single is of disadvantage because there is nobody to take care of them. Others think that your properties are useless without an heir. I had these teasing and comments countless times.
In spite of those "disadvantages" of staying single, there are realities that I see around that say otherwise. Not all married people are happy and well taken cared of. I know a man who is being treated like a trash by his wife since he lost his job. I know couples who separated because they said they realized their mistakes. I know many parents complaining about how hard it is to raise kids because they thought "the more, the merrier" in their early years of marriage.
The other agent on the left was shaking her head. She said, "buy a baby, not a man."
"Yeah, right!" I exclaimed and laughed. That was what my mother told me when she failed pushing me to get married. Well, not technically buy a baby, it was "then just have a baby if you don't want to get married."
The other agent continued with her point.
"I did not have a happy ending with my husband so staying single is not really of disadvantage. If there is someone you should have or you want a companion when you grow old, that should be a baby not a man."
I learned later that she is separated and raised her three children on her own. Two already finished their studies and have their jobs. The last one is on his last year in college. So who says a single mom can't raise kids on her own? I know many single parents who raised good children. And she has a point about "buying" a baby.
My agent jumped in and said "Yes, it is not totally true that you will be well taken cared off when you have a husband or partner. You get a husband and he becomes your first child that you need to take care for." She is married and I did not realize she had that feeling about her husband.
The loanee mentioned she is separated and she actually agree with the two agents. Having a husband or partner is not always having help. It is sometimes having a one-way burden. You dance the tango alone.
So I had three ladies surrounding me with the same perspective but different from many. It is about time that the society have this open mindset. It is also about time for the society to widen its mindset and know that single parents are normal and capable parents. They are actually stronger to be standing on their own aa compared to partners.
My piece of the story was my mother's frustration before she died. She wanted to see me either married or have a child. I failed her. While I am not running away from it, I will also not crash just to give in to pressure and judgment from others. I once challenged a teaser about having a partner. He said I should get one so I have someone like everyone else.
"Why do you think single people are abnormal? Where is it written that everyone must get married or have a partner? Is it in the Bible? Which book and chapter? Or in the law? What article number?"
He could not answer so I answered for him.
"It is not written anywhere. It is only written in the mindset of judgmental people like you."
He apologized and shut up.
So to single men and women out there, the state of being single is a blessing as is marriage. You have the freedom and independence. Being single is simple without the need of additional considerations from a partner in making decisions. You have more time to devote to do good deeds.
To solo parents, be proud of your strength and courage. Be proud of being a father and mother in one.
To married people, do not think being unmarried is second best. Maybe being married is the best according to your own standard. But I believe your comprehension is broad enough to understand that everyone has different lives to live.
