I found this image, it is a good iconification of my own predicament. The heart wants what the heart wants, I'm rather skeptical about it. Mentally I have had to maintain myself around her, she said she loves me, I believe her, I want to love her too. Yet we only hang out once a week, there are some logistical hurtles, I don't have a car, she lives 45 mins north. She also is still mixed in with her ex, not a particularly level man it seems.
I've known her a few years, we had been pretty tight, I was aiming for the boyfriend position. Got swiped by some other guy, which at the time surprised me more than anything else. Anyway they got married, long story short they didn't file the paperwork and separated. Now I had told myself I wasn't ever going to be a part of her life like that and to forget about it. I did until she dropped that bombshell text a couple weeks ago.
As a scientist my doubt tends to lead me on the speculation of why. So she has a house and I think I could rent a room, that would allow us to find out what's really going on here. Of course that also requires a wait until July, a job, and whatever rollercoaster of emotion is in store for us. I've hurt myself over her a lot before, I don't want to let that happen again. Must go about this the right way