For as long as I remember, I was always frightened of the what ifs. I doubted myself a lot and was afraid that whatever I do, it would go wrong, unacceptable, or I would be left out. But recently, I convinced myself that I am worthy of abundance. That I have my own skills and the things I can be proud of.. It was hard to break the old habits and the narratives that I built. Slowly but sure, I try to break them. The first thing I do is that I tell myself to stop seeking any validation from the outside.
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So what, if I am not the prettiest person in the room?
So what, if I am not the smartest person in the room?
So what, if I am not the kindest person in the room?
That’s when I started to embrace and love myself more. I stop trying to be someone else that I am not. Since I do this, things are slowly getting better. I am getting out of my comfort zone a lot and trying to socialize more without worrying that people will judge my look, my brain, my attitude, and my personality. I am just putting myself out there, existing instead of being a ghost in society.
Even if I am ignored, that’s fine. I can still put myself out there and just exist for my own sake.
Recently, I was distraught. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to reach the finish line of my graduation. I was afraid that I could have failed it and become a drop out without any future at all. But I tried to bury all the shame and just bit my tongue and applied for the extension. I was honestly expecting the worst that could happen. But then, I erased that thought from my mind. I was going with the flow, “least I tried” I convinced myself. In the end though, today I found out that I was approved for another semester. This could mean I have more time to work on my revisions.
The more I grow older, I learn to prioritize. I also learned to stop being a fatalist and find ways to twist whatever cards that were given to me. Not only that aspect that’s going well, I am also building up more confidence to write up my resume and try to make my way into the bigger startup world. I really want to be a part of something revolutionary and put my skills to test.
So, I am going to take my chances and just try things out before I get older. They say when you’re under 25, make mistakes as much as you can and learn from them. I don’t know where my journey at this point takes me, but I am definitely looking at life from another lens, a more positive lens.
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| Mac covers technology, philosophy, nootropics, books, productivity, minimalist lifestyle, cybersecurity, and languages. Other than those, she is passionate about cooking and tr |
