Even Though my family lives in a mix of two, something I call, modernized Java, they still uphold some traditional javanese ritual to mourn. This last farewell for the deceased is long, complicated, and feels more like festivities than a mourning day.

While religion has dominated a lot of social norms and culture, the long upheld javanese tradition still exists. I have told close friends about this, those who question why it’s so long and why it was costly.

7 days mourning

For some modern Javanese, this final farewell is kept short and simple. Sending the deceased without much prayer and the living eventually moves on. Even in my family, we were torn, since some of us wanted it to be simple but people around us, wanting to respect the culture, held the long 7 days tradition. But it is more than 7 days of mourning. There will be more days that are rooted to traditional javanese beliefs and mysticism.

I finally found a logical reason why my dad’s burial was rushed. In Indonesia since it’s hot and humid, burying fast would be the answer to this ¹. The body would decay after 24 hours and waiting for other family members would not be too practical. While usually there are rituals for washing the body of the deceased and also some believe to use moringa leaves water to wash the body or splash it around. According to my grandma, that is done to potentially remove black magic or amulets that the deceased might have so that they are dying just as they were born, with nothing on their body.

A symbol of assimilation

I don’t recall this tradition has any connection to islam but after checking out where it actually comes from, apparently, it comes from a folk religion called Kejawen. The Javanese back in the day believed about how the spirit would ascend during a certain period. They have 3rd, 7th, and even 100th, 1000th days and 2 years of celebration². Growing up here, I recalled there are many different ways people celebrate it. Some who still believe strongly and uphold the purest form of the tradition, include certain food during certain days. Even the food carries its own meaning. There are days where we don’t serve food but only snacks but there are days we’re serving only food to the guests. In my family, we were only practicing based on information from neighbors.

The number of the guests varied depending on how the person lived their life. Usually those with a lot of friends will have more than 100 guests everyday. For those who lived a quiet life, a 50 guest is something normal. Sometimes it is more like a celebration rather than a mourning day, especially those with over 100 guests daily.

When a guest comes to the house, they will be given a plate of snacks and drinks. It can be anything and depending on the budget. Usually neighbors also pitch in some money on the first day as there will be a box of donation available in front of the house. But those aren’t enough to cover the rest of the days. Families pitch in their money and make a budget and adjust everything based on the budget they have.

During the 7 days, there are friends, relatives,and colleagues who come to visit. The conversation isn’t far from how the person passed away, the memories they have with them or sometimes future plans for the bereaved family. Usually during this mourning, family of the deceased have to stand by helping with the events. There is also a rule for the widow/widower from the family not to leave to their origin before the 40 days. In some extreme cases, they can not remarry/leave the house before the 40 days passes.

Dying in a javanese culture is long,ties to some cultural beliefs and usually a concept that is strange for non-javanese person. While it is costly but some believe that it is the chance for the family to give the deceased a proper goodbye.Personally to me, these social and cultural norms can be a bit of financial strain to the bereaved family. I don’t think it is necessary to hold mourning that long and especially some socialization during it can be a bit toxic as well as unnecessary.