Once again, I am being reminded of an important lesson yet easy to forget. These days with endless social media scrolls, we are bombarded with different lifestyles that go just beyond our own physical borders. We see other people’s lives that we don’t normally get to see. While that is a long standing fact, its emotional impact on us can be quite different. It does not matter how many times we’re told of that, we’re carrying the little device in our pocket that constantly bombard us with things if we’re not careful enough when curating our experience.

I’ve been guilty of it myself.

As someone who likes and enjoys finer things in life, I often find myself captivated by those whose lives are so well-curated into perfection. Everything they have is everything I ever dreamed of but that was just the prerequisite before something even bigger robs me of my own contentment.

The thing is, I move between different economic and social realities so fluidly. I can spend a day living next to nothing to living around people who spend $2000 /day like it’s nothing. I also visit houses that are almost falling apart and live there but also walk through an extravagant mansion somewhere that I would never expect to exist. And, most importantly, I know the people behind those lifestyles and what they do for a living. For someone who regularly gets an exposure into these, life gets a bit messier. It’s like your perception of life is sort of skewed and you start to measure your life against whichever reality is in front you.

So, actually social media doesn’t do that big of a damage but its my current social life and surrounding is.

For the past 8 months, I have been surrounded by people who never feel like it is enough.

"That's because you don't have children or a family to take care of. You don't have to think about these things." That statement ends the conversation before it even begins. It discounts the fact that I also have responsibilities.

Without my income, my mother and I would struggle to even afford basic needs and while it is not the same as a parent raising children, I also need money and need to think about not only my own future but also my mother.

But what I do know is that in times when I really struggled, I still know how to be thankful.

The circumstances I had did not stop me from curating my own life and make it aesthetic. While I know the rest of the house might seem like it’s barely holding itself together, I have a space on my own that feels like me. Yet eventually, I learned that it’s less about the place but the people we surround ourselves with.

Today, at my own desk, I think about how traumatizing these past 8 months have been. The constant exposure to people who never have gratitude in their conversation and no balance between ambition & gratitude makes me feel like I lose footing in my life.

I escaped darkness and It took me years to finally find a sense of contentment. I don’t need a toxic environment to ruin it for me. I had the choice to choose and I’ll choose it now with every consequence I carry and bear.