Marriage was created not to be a background but to need one
F Scott Fitzgerald.
After 1920's the idea of marriage in the United States was shifting. From the traditional Victorian views on marriage to post-war ideals on marriage. Dating started to becoming a thing too in 1920's. However with more leeway to pick a partner,it doesn't mean a good thing. The cases of divorce were rising that time. Interestingly, these days this topic is surfacing again. The same topic from traditional to progressive and the other way round. The world is divided into the left and the right. When it comes to dating, it goes the same.
Today, I am sharing a perspective from the traditional point of view. I am not married myself but this finding is something I wished I had known 5 years ago. Not to mention, this is my undergrad research too.
In Asia, it's rather uncommon for children to get advice on how to date. The parents are mostly saying find a "good" person. But they never elaborate what constitute as "good". Is it having multiple sexual partners? is it having debts? is it living with the family? is it emotional immaturity? there never has been a detailed explanation as to what constitute as " good" partner for marriage.
During my research for my paper, I found a paper by J.R Rees, M.D titled " The Social and Psychological aspects of Marriage" written in 1939. This paper was written as a way to express the concern of great deterioration in the value and quality of marriage. He mentions the following of decline of religion, increase of selfishness and the present standard of high living to be the cause. He also asserts that rush and intensity of modern life leads to neurotic disturbance and opportunity of dissatisfaction.
When we reflect those situation with today's society, that is still relevant For those who wants to have traditional marriage and uphold traditional views, this paper is worth reading as he proposes three fundamental points of marriage such as : better preparation, prevention and readjustment.
In the better preparation of marriage, he lays out that a person must be independent of their parents, shall have sound sex education, understand partnership and cooperation, spiritual and physical factors are of importance, must have satisfactory boy and girl relationship in adolescence so that they don't need close friendship with different sex at play and work after marriage.
When you look into those requirements above, it seems that those no longer exist. There are many causes and complex situation to this. But if you truly want a satisfactory marriage and having traditional views, try to find someone who fits at least into one of those criteria and good luck.
J.J. REES also mentions something to ponder on,
Marriage is not an end itself nether is it cure for anything.
That means, by getting marriage your life is not over. You must grow as a person and it does not fix your problem, it amplifies them. So before getting married, fix yourself and your vices. If you do have daughter and son, tell them this as I wished my parents would tell me early on.
~ signing out
