The clock is ticking....
Three days before deployment and I wish there was a mission abort button. I don't want to leave my comfy cave in exchange for a social exhausting activities. I started doubting myself if I will be any use in the place. I also wonder if it will hinder my current working flow. Sometimes I don't like a change, especially a drastic change yet I am forced to this time. Still, I hope there was a mission abort and the whole thing will be magically canceled.
Since that's unlikely to happen, I started doing compare and contrast now vs during my nomad days. Even if this won't give me any consolation, I just hope I realized why I feel much more anxious than in the past. So let's start with the past, I used to be happy to live in with a family in a foreign place. It was easy for me to make friends; being a social butterfly while still having my own privacy despite living with a roommate. The host accepted us as a person despite our views and ways of living. I know our relationship was mere a landlord-tenant yet it grows overtime that we were close. Eventhough the place was far beyond a decent living, it felt like home. My roommate and I tried to furnish it based on our style. Eventually, we love it. Now, despite my roommate and I are separated, he still lives in the same place. So, it clearly shows that once the host accepted us as the person we are, everything will be just fine.
Meanwhile, this time I am stressing over how my host will view me as a person. Hypothetically, I don't think they will be open minded to differences especially, in a seemingly conservative environment. In fact, I have to watch my behavior and words very careful, extra careful even. I have checked the house where I will be living. It's not as bad as my previous place. It's decent and manageable if I can clean it thoroughly. My other concern is that the people who I will be living. I hope they will as well accept me as I am. Perhaps this is teaching me the grayness of human nature. Sometimes you have to pretend for your own good.
This community service is a challenge for me but I consider this a mere anthropology experiment. I am trying to think this as a way to gather information about differences of living and understand the nature or even problem of human being.
[macchiata]
image sub pexel
My Community Service log and Road to Steemfest Stories
